Tag Archives: Women

#MeToo: Do My Experiences of Sexual Violation Count?

The “me too” hashtag has been floating around Facebook for a few days now. I didn’t add my “me too” myself, as I didn’t know whether my experiences counted. Also, I never told my parents even though some experiences happend when I was a child. I didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable and I don’t want to come across like a “drama queen” who cries wolf too easily.

If you have to believe some people, any behavior from a man that makes a woman feel uncomfortable, whether the man is aware of it or not, is sexual harassment. All men are portrayed by some media responses to “me too” as potential rapists. I have to disagree here. Not because an “innocent” stare or gesture doesn’t count. It may not legally count, but to a victim in need of support, it definitely does. The reason I disagree to this logic has nothing to do with what counts and doesn’t count as sexual harassment and everything to do with the fact that men are victims too and women are perpetrators too. Focusing too much on just women as victims and men as perps, is silencing to male victims of sexual harassment/assault. It’s doing to male victims what those who made women set up “me too” do to women victims.

I happen to be a woman. For all the experiences of sexual violation I endured, the people doing it to me were male. Only one of them was a steretoypical fifty-year-old creep. The others were children or teens.

I have one experience where I was touched. The rest of my experiences involved threats and other inappropriate verbal and non-verbal communcation. The fifty-year-old creep’s actions were the most recent, when I was 23, and the ones I remember most clearly.

I have often wondered whether I can seek support for my experences of sexual violation. Because sexual violation wasn’t the worst of my traumas, I often feel left out in sexual assault survivor communities, because, well, was it “that bad”? No, in a sense, it wasn’t “that bad”. I mean, my heart goes out to the people who were actually raped or assaulted. Yet just because others have it worse, doesn’t mean my experience doesn’t count. Impact of trauma varies from individual to individual and the post-traumatic stress symptoms I endure are in fact pretty bad.

So my experiences do count, because I feel they do. Not necessarily in legal terms – I was going to write an essay on that -, but for support purposes, they do. Thanks to the author of Crazy-NOS for giving me the courage to share my experience.

Women and Girls with Autism #AtoZChallenge

Welcome to day 23 in the A to Z Challenge on autism. Today, I discuss autism as it maniffests itself differently depending on the autistic person’s gender. I particularly focus on women and girls with autism. IN tomorrow’s post, I will discuss autism as extreme male behavior.

It used to be thought that autism, and Asperger’s Syndrome in particular, is far more common in males than in females. Four to even eight times as many boys were thought to have Asperger’s than girls. In recent years however, there has been more attention paid to the ways in which autism spectrum disorders manifest themselves differently in girls and women.

There is little scientific research focused specificaly on females with autism. However, anecdotal evidence suggests that females with autism display the following characteristics, which differ from males with autism:


  • Better social imitation skills.

  • A desire to interact directly with people.

  • Shyness or passivity as opposed to being active but odd.

  • Better imagination.

  • Better language development.

  • (Special) interests focused on animals or people rather than objects.

Stereotypes about what is considered typical male or female behavior commonly hinder the diagnosis of females with autism. For example, characteristics such as shyness and oversensitivity are often seen as typical female characteristics rather than signs of an autism spectrum disorder. Another example is a girl who plays with dolls and is hence thought to display appropriate pretend play. On closer observation though, it is found that she plays with the dolls stereotypically.

Girls and women with autism usually also develop inventive strategies to hide their autistic tendencies. This often leads them to burn out or get depressed, which is then seen as the reason for their inability to cope rather than a consequence. There is finally also a bias towards diagnosing certain disorders in certain genders. As a result, many women with autism or ADHD end up with a diagnosis of for example borderline personality disorder because of their hypersensitivity.

Fortunately, authors like Rudy Simone (author of AsperGirls) internationally and Henny Struik in the Netherlands have raised increasing awareness of the fact that women too can be autistic and that their behavioral characteristics often differ from those in men with autism. I was honored to have been quoted (only a few lines) in Henny Struik’s book and I love AsperGirls. I hope that books like these will reach health professionals and researchers so that diagnostic tests for autism are adapted to meet the specific challenges of diagnosing females.

Gender and Autism Stereotypes: Problems for Autistic Girls

Yesterday, I bought Parenting Girls on the Autism Spectrum by Eileen Riley-Hall. I’ve only read bits and pieces of it yet, but what struck a chord with me are the problems faced by both passive and aggressive autistic girls due to gender stereotypes and stereotypes about what autism should be.

First, most girls on the autism spectrum are passive. This can easily lead to them being ignored in a classroom or even at home. I notice this on my ward, too, because I’m fairly withdrawn. Because of this, my needs are not always met, as there are many patients who act out to get what they need. In the book, Riley-Hall talks about a girl in her daughter’s nursery who was so shy that she could easily be isolated if not for her attentive teacher. Passive autistic girls, according to Riley-Hall, need as much one-on-one attention as possible. This seems coutnerintuitive, because they aren’t causing any trouble or being a danger to themselves or others. Then again, they too need to learn to relate to others. It is sad in this respect that isolation is no longer a ground for care in the Netherlands. Apparently, you need to be aggressive to be seen. Please note that, in DSM-IV, passive autism is seen as more severe than the active-but-odd type.

Yet aggressive autistic girls are also often mistreated. According to Riley-Hall, gender stereotypes dictate that less aggression should be expected and tolerated from girls than from boys. Consequently, if an autistic girl acts out, she’s punished more harshly than a boy. Riley-Hall does not say this, but it is my expereince that aggression in women and girls is also interpreted differently than in males. For example, many more women are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder rather than for example ADHD. Fortunately, researchers and clinicians are becoming more and more aware of gender differences in the symptoms of psychiatric and neurodevelopmental disorders.