Tag Archives: Sister

Currently – October 2016

Oh yeah, another week and a half have passed without me blogging. Originally, I was planning on participating in #Write31Days this month again, but I couldn’t think of a topic. Then when I had something in mind, I couldn’t get myself to write my first posts, because I was sick and tired all week-end after my sister’s wedding on Friday. So no pressure this month once again. Because it’s already late in the evening and I badly want to publish a post before midnight though, I thought I’d do “Currently” once again. This month’s co-host is Jacqui and our usual host is Anne.

Cheers-ing

I don’t drink alcohol, but I would like to give a big cheers to my sister and her husband for their wedding last Friday. They had their wedding ceremony on the beach. Though it was so windy I couldn’t hear my sister say her vows, it was a beautiful ceremony.

Organizing

My soaping supplies. I have tried to resist the urge to buy more supplies, because I still don’t know whether I’ll be able to soap at day activities once I leave the institution. However, since i still don’t know when I will be leaving the institution, I’ve also thought that I might as well enjoy the craft while I still can. My wheeled bag is so full it won’t close properly now and some plastic bags were tearing, so I had to re-organize my supplies. I originaly planned on keeping some out of the bag unless I’d need them, but I have no clue where else to store them.

Dreaming

Way too vividly, if you mean dreaming while asleep. I have always had vivid dreams and they got much more vivid since starting my antipsychotic in 2010. Though the dose of this medication has been the same for several years, my vivid dreams are getting worse. Yes, I say worse, because it’s no fun.

As for daydreaming, I don’t do that much lately. So much is still unclear that I have little to look forward to except for the very next moment. You see, I’m practising staying present and enjoying the moment more. So far, I’m not very good at it.

Buying

Soaping supplies like I said. I also bought some new clothes for my sister’s wedding, as well as some body care products.

Listening

I recently discovered some new-to-me country musicians that I like. I’m also listening to a lot of audio lectures from a company called Home Academy. I used to listen to the ones I’d bought or gotten as gifts many years ago. Recently, they were added to the library for the blind’s collection, so I can now listen to them virtually for free, sine the membership fee is way less than what I used to pay for individual magazines and lectures and suchlike. The lecture I most recently finished was on the atomic bomb. It had me vividly dreaming about mushroom clouds for days.

What have you been up to lately?

Currently – May 2016

I have seen people, particularly lifestyle bloggers, post a monthly Currently post before. This is a post in which you answer some prompts about what you’re currently up to. Today, I am embarking on the journey too. There are many variations on the theme. I chose to link up with the Currently linky provided by Anne of in residence and Jenna of Gold and Bloom.

Celebrating

It’s liberation day in the Netherlands today. The celebration started after World War II ended for the Netherlands on May 5, 1945. It is also the feast of the ascension of Jesus today. Ironically, though liberation day is much more important than Jesus’ ascension to the Dutch, even to many Christians, it’s a bank holiday because of the ascension. Liberation day only is a bank holiday once every five years. Quite odd if you ask me. I say this even as a progressive Jesus follower, but I want to point out that without liberty many people would not be able to express their faiths.

Official celebrations aside, we celebrated my mother’s and sister’s birthdays last Saturday. My mother’s birthday was on April 28th. My sistehr’s is the 13th of May. Yes, it’s a Friday the 13th this year and no, that’s not a bad omen. My sister was born on Friday the 13th, in fact.

Reading

Lots of blogs. After the April A to Z Challenge is over, I’m surprisingly motivated to read a variety of blogs. I was hardly motivated to check out other participants during the challenge, but now I’m again interested in reading other blogs.

Book-wise, a few new books are coming out this month that I’d love to read. I badly want to read The Genome Generation by Steven M. Lipkin and Jon Luoma, but it isn’t even out in hardcover yet. I saw it up for pre-order months ago on Kobo, but now the idea of an eBook publication seems to have vanished. Consumed, the new book by Abbie Rushton, is out as an eBOok and I badly want to get it. However, I’m not finished reading The Memory of Light by Francisco X. Stork yet and want to read that first.

Pondering

I just discovered Philosophy Experiments, a site full of philosophical games and challenges. I am in pretty good philosophical health according to the Philosophical Health Check. It found only one tension in my beliefs. I also made it through Battleground God with just one direct hit.

Sipping

Coffee, mostly. Oh, and a yucky type of fiber that I got prescribed to help with my chronic constipation. I can’t get used to it.

Going

I went to my parents’ on Saturday, like I said. This was jsut a day trip, as my father is doing construction on the upper floor, where we usually sleep.

This month, I’m not going anywhere, except to my and my husband’s home. I’m there right now because of the bank holiday and also because I had a meeting yesterday. I met with an independent client advocate, who’s going to help me through the process of getting care funding for once I’m living with my husband.

What have you been up to lately?

When I’d Grow Up…

Last Friday when I was at my parents’, we had a long discussion. We often do. My sister was frustrated that she still doens’t have a “real” job at 27. Neither do I at 29, but it doesn’t frustrate me as much unless others are talking about how much of a failure they are for not having a “real” (or “real” enough) job. After all, we measure what we want to achieve by what the people around us (want to) achieve.

My sister is the only memeber of my family with a college degree. Nonetheless, my father attended college and my mother would’ve wanted to attend post-secondary education at least, which she never got the opportunity for. Therefore, it was instilled in me that I need to achieve. I knew at an early age that I was later going to a high level high school and maybe even university. When I was twelve and starting secondary education, I wanted to be a mathematician or a linguist when I grew up.

It hadn’t always been this way. When I was in Kindergarten, probably I wanted to be a princess or a Mommy like every other girl in my class. Starting by first grade however, I wanted to be a writer and I continued to want to be a writer far into high school.

My parents did of course tell me that you couldn’t make a lviing out of writing, so I had various other aspirations throughout school. For the longest time, I wanted to be a teacher, switching form elementary education when I was myself in elementary school to various secondary subjects when I was in high school to finally wanting to be a college professor when I’d finished high school. I did have some bad thoughts about burning out while teaching and landing on disability, but never quite gave into these thoughts.

I also for a long time wanted to get married and start a family. When I was an adolescent, I for a while thought I was a lesbian. I can’t remember what I thought regarding marriage and children at that time. Of course, gay couples have been able to legally marry since 2001 here in the Netherlands, but this was the same time when I thought (as it turns out correctly) that I was on the autism spectrum. I thought this meant (as it turns out incorrectly) that autistics didn’t marry, so probably neither would I. In fact, I didn’t give a long-term relationship much thought until it happened with my husband.

As it turns out, I did study linguistics for a bit in 2007 and was planning on becoming a scientist in this field. It never worked out. Obviously, I never even attempted to become a teacher. I am however somewhat of a writer now, having had my first piece published in a book last June. I am also of course married and happily so!

Mama’s Losin’ It

Everyday Gyaan

Gratitude List (Birthday Edition)

It’s been over a week since I posted. This past week has been pretty rough, but there have also been good moments. Time for a gratitude list once again! I am going to cheat a little and include some items from the previous week.


  1. I spent the week-end at my parents’ for an early birthday celebration for me. It’s a tradition that my parents give me redcurrants and strawberries for my birthday. However, the redcurrants had not ripened yet and the strawberries had been eaten by my parents’ chickens. My mother bought some on the market though, which were much better than the ones I had bought at the supermarket a week or so before.

  2. My husband helped me figure out how to copy music from CDs onto my computer. I copied some of my parents’ music. Also, one of my parents’ acquaintances, who is a singer/songwriter, invited me to her album presentation this coming September. I’ve not yet made up my mind whether I’m going, but it was cool to get an invite.

  3. I got some lovely beads from my parents. They were plastic beads, whic I don’t normally use. I usually use glass beads. However, I was able to create a nice bracelet with some of these beads.

  4. Getting these beads from my parents inspired me to look for acrylic beads in funny shapes and colors to make a memory wire bracelet of. Memory wire bracelets get quite heavy if you use glass beads, so I was happy to find acrylic beads in heart, square, disc, round and even butterfly shapes. I just finished the memory wire bracelet a few hours ago, but don’t have a picture yet.

  5. I have been able to get into a nice exercise routine with the help of my husband’s MP3 player (which he gave to me). It helps me get an idea of how long I spend on the elleptical trainer or stationary bike.

  6. I have discovered a new kind of candy at the institution town’s store. I know, not exactly healthy, but so yummy! I managed to keep from bingeing this week even though I did buy the candy.

  7. Institution meals are notorious for lacking taste. Furthermore, because of a new meal-providing company, we no longer get to choose our meals from a menu each for ourselves. Instead, the nurses choose and we just have to go with whatever is being served. This makes me extra grateful that tomorrow is my birthday and I got to select a birthday meal. It’s still provided by the same company, but the meal I selected (noodles with beef and some kind of peas) is quite good. I got to eat it today as I’m at my husband’s tomorrow.

  8. The weather has been quite good yesterday and today. Today, I wore one of the skirts I bought a few weeks ago again.

  9. My husband took me out to lunch at the restaurant near the institution town railroad station today. I ate a delicious tuna salad roll.

  10. My sister and her boyfriend will be coming over tomorrow and my in-laws will be visiting on Sunday. I’m looking forward to it!


What are you grateful for this week?

Linking up with Reasons to Be Cheerful.

Diary Entry: September 21, 1999

Mama’s Losin’ It has some great writing prompts this week. One is to share a diary entry from when you were younger. You are allowed to make one up, but I’m going to share a real one. I was orignally intending to share one of my myDiary.nl entries. This was (and I think still is) a diary site in the Netherlands where I kept a diary between age sixteen and eighteen. I however deleted all entries from the site and the document I saved them to is in a format I can’t read now. Then I thought of sharing an entry from my earlier offline diary. It dates fromw hen I was thirteen. It is translated because the original was in Dutch, and I altered some bits for privacy reasons, but it is a real entry. I at the time addressed my entries to a fictional character named Claire. Probably got the idea from reading Anne Frank at the time. This is a short entry, because it is my second attempt at sharing something (computer crashed), and I am too lazy to translate a long entry now.

Tuesday, September 21, 1999

Dear Claire,

I am once again the home bitch. I have a figurine in the shape of a mouse. Its tail broke off and I attempted to make it, but that didn’t work. Logically, since tape doesn’t stick to stone. My sister got involved, and so now I’m in my room. Mom by the way says that my sister never gets attention and I always want attention, but she can decide for herslef whom to give attention. So, it is the day of arguments today.

Yours, Astrid

Don’t ask me what the broken figurine and my sister getting involved had to do with my spending time in my room. I probably had a tantrum over the figurine breaking, but not sure what my sister or “always” wanting attention had to do with it. I now realize my behavior did draw attention to me, but that of course is not the same as wanting attention.

Mama’s Losin’ It

Positives for the Week

One of my loom bracelets.

I am feeling a bit stressed out after my computer started acting up again – not as in it being broken, just as in having a hiccup. I am also missing out on inspiration for my #Mumslist post this week, because I haven’t been online much. I thought I’d put these two frustrations to good use and make a list of positives of the week.


  1. Made not just two but five loom bracelets this week. Am working on a sixth one. The above pic shows a bracelet I made for a nurse.
  2. With today being the exception, the weather has been quite nice over the past week.

  3. I reached my goal of going to the gym this week. Did buy candy more than once though. I did have a binge eating episode on Friday, but let’s just consider that a slip up.

  4. The nurses made delicious macaroni for us yesterday. Had a delicious ice cream on Tuesday.

  5. Both of my computers are usually fuctioning again.

  6. Made phone calls to my mother and sister. My sister, who earned her Master’s in history a few weeks ago, got word that she may be accepted into teacher education after all.

And here are my goals for the upcoming week.


  1. Make a Christmas card for a swap I’m on. Yeah, cardmakers make and sometimes swap Christmas cards all year.

  2. Start working on an art doll for a mixed media swap. I don’t really know what an art doll is, but one of the usual activity staff will be back from vacation this week so I can ask her for inspiration.

  3. Go to the gym again.

  4. Write one original blog post (so something other than Tuesday Ten, Word of the Week, etc.).


Have a nice week everyone!

Mums' Days

#AskAwayFriday for July 4, 2014

Today, I am pleased to participate in #AskAwayFriday again. This time, I partnered up with Carol Graham from Battered Hope. I know some people say I’ve overcome a lot, but when I read Carol’s blog, I was astonished at all that she’d endured and how she still manages to keep such a positive attitude. Check out her blog and get to know her through the questions I asked her. Below are my answers to Carol’s questions.

1. You were born the same year as my daughter. She was two months premature. My heart reaches out to you and I know you have had some incredible challenges in your young life. What challenge are you the most proud of overcoming?
Surviving prematurity against all odds. That may not be something I remember, but without overcoming this challenge, I wouldn’t be here.

2. As an advocate, what are some ways that you have raised awareness to help the mentally ill?
Mostly blogging. I’ve also been in a recovery group, which is a group where mentally ill people help each other on the path to recovery. Recovery, here, is not cure, but living a full life in spite of mental illness.

3. Do you have any brothers or sisters? If so, please tell me about them.
I have one sister. She is two years younger than me, so now she’s 26. She is about to earn her Master’s degree in history, for which I admire and envy her. I don’t really know what else to say about her.

4. You have been living in a facility since 2007. What is the most difficult part of institutional life?
Having the staff make decisions about my daily life. Institutions now claim to be all about rehabilitation, which in theory means the patient directs their own life. In practice, it means staff tell you to be independent in practical skills but still make important decisions for you.

5. What is the best part?
The day activities.

6. Do you have any hobbies other than surfing online?
Writing of course, but also reading non-fiction and autobiographies (I’ll be sure to check if yours is available as an ebook). Oh and crafts. I love cardmaking, polymer clay and jewelry making.

7. If you were not limited by finances or any disability, how would you like to help others who have experienced similar anxieties?
I would start my ideal supported housing and working project. It would be similar to workhomes for autistic people (where they can do day activities close to home), but it would be all about clients truly directing their own lives, with staff available to meet the clients’ needs and help them have a comfortable (as opposed to productive) life.

8. You said that you were legally blind. Do you have a guide dog?
No. I would like to get one someday though. The largest guide dog school in the Netherlands also trains service dogs for autistic people, so I’d like to get a guide dog who is also an autism service dog.

9. I admire your courage and positive attitude towards life. How do you encourage people with similar problems?
I don’t know that I have all that positive an attitude. Honestly, I have no clue how I encourage others. If they’re inspired by my writing, that’s great.

10. And finally, a question I ask anyone I meet for the first time — tell me about yourself in FIVE words.
I am creative and imaginative.

Birthday

My birthday is over. Now I’m 28 and it’s back to normal life I guess. The entire week was really largely about my birthday and the memories it triggers for me. That’s why I’m linking up with Word of the Week with my word for this week being “birthday”.

I wrote already earlier this week that it’s 28 years since I entered the world and the neonatal intensive care unit. When they came to visit today, my parents gave me a CD by Jan Henk de Groot with music on it about the singer’s son, who spent a large part of his first year in hospital because of a birth defect. My mother said it’s appropriate, and I agree. Incidentally, a few days ago I saw there’s a group for PTSD related to NICU experience on Facebook. It’s for parents, of course, and, while I applied, I may’ve been denied.

My sister already visited last week and brought some nice presents: a T-shirt, storage bins and bottles. The bins were intended for herbal tea, but I stored cereal in one of them, then the bin fell from a shelf and my entire floor was covered in cereal. The bottles are for blending massage oils or lotions in. I have a collection of essential oils already and got sweet almond oil, which is a carrier oil, from my sister, too. In addition to the CD, my parents gave me a nice collection of glass beads for my jewelry-making.

My birthday itself was largely a day like any other. At the acitivity room, I made a collage with butterflies, hearts and flowers, which are both things that make me happy and symbolize things I wish for myself for the coming year: love, transformation and bloom. My husband came at 3:30 PM to pick me up and drive us to the city, where we went shoppping for a skirt for me and went to eat out. I can judge from the skirt size that I’ve gained a lot of weight lately. Not good. I really need to look back at my theme for this year, which was self-care, and make sure I start eating more healthfully. Tomorrow.

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