Tag Archives: Reflections

Prayer and Reflection: Jesus Helps Me Through My Eating Disorder

I have had quite the urge to engage in eating disorder behaviors today. It’s raining, so I can’t go out to the town store to get some candy. Besides, it’d not be right in the long run. After all, I’d not be caring for myself well by indulging in the urge to binge.

So I paged through Journaling in Eating Disorder Recovery. The book is explicitly Christian. Since I am a Jesus follower too, I have felt very much touched by the questions and suggestions in the book. At several points, the author encourages the reader to find Bible verses or other inspirational material that will help them through their recovery journey. So I looked online for some Bible verses that help me strengthen my willpower to overcome this urge, at least for now.

“For this reason he had to be made like them, fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the
sins of the people.┬áBecause he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.” (Hebrews 2:17-18 NIV)

This is so powerful. Jesus was human himself, suffering all the usual temptations us humans face on a daily basis. Jesus did not have an eating disorder, but He was undoubtedly tempted to indulge overeating every once in a while. After all, everyone is tempted ot overeat at times. Yet Jesus overcame this temptation. We could say He did so because he is God, too. That would be disempowering ourselves, because we are saying: “I coud never resist temptation like Jesus did, because I’m not God.”

What this Bible verse says, however, is that Jesus is able to empathize with us and thereby help us. We may not have the Godly powers Jesus has, but we can lean on Him, and He will care. After all He knows what it is like to be fully human. He cannot just sympathize, but truly empathize.

As a mental health sufferer, I tend to look to people who have a lot in common with me for guidance and support. I look to people who have had the same experiences and struggles I face. I look to people who cannot just sympathize, but empathize.

How wonderful is it that God HImself, through His son Jesus Christ, can empathize with all of us! He knows what it is like to be tempted, so He is willing and able to help us through.

God, help me through the urge to binge for just one day. Help me face the reality that, in the long run, bingeing will be bad for my body, and I need to take good care of my body. Help me realize that, through your son Jesus Christ, who suffered human temptation, I am able to overcome this same temptation. Amen.

Everyone Can Be a Hero

One of the prompts for Friday Reflection this week is to write about someone who is a hero to me and why. I see a hero as someone who is very inspiring to me, whom I look up to. I discussed this with the institution pastor last year, when they did a summer series at church on inspiring people. He chose Mahatma Ghandi.

I see many people as inspiring. The most well-known person I mentioned to the pastor – but he’d never heard of her -, was Helen Keller. You’ve probably heard about her “miraculously” learning to use tactile sign language through the work of Anne Sullivan. Keller is also relatively well-known for having graduated college while being deafblind and a woman, both of which put her at a disadvantage in the patriarchal society of her time. However, you probably didn’t know that Helen Keller was a political activist, taking an important position in women’s suffrage and socialism. She was also one of the founders of the American Civil Liberties Union.

However, you don’t have to have overcome your disadvantages in some kind of miraculous way to be inspiring. In fact, most people only see Keller as having “overcome” her deafblindness and overlook her activism.

There are other disabled people I consider heroes. They however don’t do anything that makes them well-known and many have not “overcome” their disabiities at all. For example, I mentioned Cal Montgomery, author of Critic of the Dawn to my pastor. I don’t know her personally and she isn’t a public figure, so I cannot be sure that how I see her is correct. I do not know more about her than what I see through her writing. However, I can tell that she has determination. I do not admire her for having somehow proven her capacity to get out of an institution by denying her disabilities, which she may’ve had to do. Rather, I admire her for writing about human and civil rights for people judged to be too severely disabled to have these rights.

There are undoubtedly many other disability rights heroes in the world. Some are well-known in their particular disability communities. Others are not. What they have in common is not the “miracle” of their “overcoming” their disabilities, which Keller is publicly known for. Rather, they live their lives not just in spite of but also with their disabilities.

Living your life, in this sense, is a political statement. This applies particularly in the disability community, but it generally applies to everyone. People don’t need to be the first or the best or the greatest to be heroes. Everyone can be a hero in some ways.

Reflections From Me

Always Greener on the Other Side

Another jouranling prompt. This one was meant for kids, and it asks what we mean when we say “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”. This saying speaks to me and makes me feel quite uncomfortable, because I can definitely relate.

I remember that, when I go to a new place, like anew ward or institution or supported housing or whatever, I’m always optimistic that this will be suitable for me, but I’m very soon disappointed. For example, when I first got to this institution, I felt truly like I’d landed in a cozy place, or as close to it as an institution can get. Within days, however, I heard the staff reprimand the clients for not doing their chores and I was upset at the phrasing: “You guys are the most independent group, the more independent one on this unit.” A few days later, I was further disappointed when my staff insisted I do chores I cannot do. Pretty soon, I wished I’d stayed in the big city institution, and I still wish for that at times.

I have always felt like this. When I came into blindness rheabilitation in 2005, I saw it as a wonderful opportunity to learn sklls and aadjust to my blindness. By the middle of the four-month rehabilitation program, I felt I was lagging horribly behind and hadn’t learned most of the skills I’d wanted to. Same when I came into independence training, the psychiatric institution and every ward I’ve been at since except this one, where I was quickly realizing that it wouldn’t be helping me much.

I read in a paper a few months ago that this thing where “the honeymoon is over” and people start out okay but end up worse after a while, is common in people with borderline personality disorder. I remember in 2007, when I’d only been in the hospital for a few weeks, being told by another patient, who happens to have BPD too, that I need to work on myself, not on changing my environment every so often. I realize this at some level, but at another level, I think: “What do you think I was in training and treatment for all these years? To change the environment? No!” Yet maybe I still look to others to change me, not to myself.