Tag Archives: Rage

Borderline Personality Disorder and Anger

As you may’ve noticed, I like to pick my topics for my blog posts in the “mental health” category from recovery or awareness challenges. I don’t usually finish the challenge or answer the questions exactly as they’re asked, but I like to get them to zap me out of writer’s block. One such challenge is the “31 days of BPD” challenge. It asks 31 questions – one for each day – about life with borderline personality disorder. The first one asks you to describe why you were last very angry.

Now the thing about anger in my case is that I don’t usually remember why I get angry, or even what happened. Another thing is that I tend to get angry over the slightest things but then get to make my anger about lots of big and only partly related issues.

For example, a litle over a month ago, I got angry because the staff were decorating the unit for Christmas. I don’t even remember what exactly preceded my blow-up. I ended up running off the ward, wandering, and eventually taking some of my cltohes off so that I froze. When security got me back to the ward, I went into seclusion (voluntarily). I was determined I wasn’t going to go back to my ward. I was angry at the staff on my ward in general for there not being enough support for me or structure to guide me through the day. I eventually even said I wanted to be discharged if my only options were to stay in seclusion or go back to my ward (which indeed were my only options). Eventually, I did go back to my ward.

When I’m angry, I don’t really pick fights or become particularly angry at a specific person. Even when I do direct my anger at someone in particular, I usually don’t mean to single them out for my rage. I don’t ever become physically aggressive towands people, but I do usually shout obscenities and may direct my aggression towards objects.

For me, anger is usually accompanied by a fight-or-flight response. I usually flee in anger indeed, as was the case with the rage over the Christmas decorating I experienced last month. It seems in a way anger for me is close to other emotions, such as anxiety.

It is also closely related to sadness. I usually can’t cry unless I’ve been angry first. Often, also, when I’ve been depressed for a while, it tends to turn into irritability and may even turn into rage. The same occasionally happens with excitement, where I get so excited it turns into rage. In fact, any strong emotion in my case can turn into anger. It’s probably because, with BPD, my emotions tend to shift so rapidly. Maybe even anger is the only “bad” emotion I know.

Post Comment Love
Mama and More

Multiple Complex Developmental Disorder (McDD)

Multiple Comlex Developmental Disorder (McDD) is recognized as a subtype of PDD-NOS in the Netherlands. It is an autism spectrum disorder in which people also suffer from emotion regulation problems and thought disorders. Its proposed criteria according to the Yale Child Study Center are as follows:


  1. Impaired social behavior/sensitivity, similar to that seen in autism, such as:

    • Social disinterest

    • Detachment, avoidance of others, or withdrawal

    • Impaired peer relations

    • Highly ambivalent attachments

    • Limited capacity for empathy or understanding what others are thinking or feeling


  2. Affective symptoms, including:

    • Impaired regulation of feelings

    • Intense, inappropriate anxiety

    • Recurrent panic

    • Emotional lability, without obvious cause


  3. Thought disorder symptoms, such as:

    • Sudden, irrational intrusions on normal thoughts

    • Magical thinking

    • Confusion between reality and fantasy

    • Delusions such as paranoid thoughts or fantasies of special power



In The Netherlands, slightly different criteria are used. For example, social disinhibition is proposed as a possible symptom in the social impairments category.

In the Dutch Wikipedia, McDD is referred to alternatively as juvenile schizophrenia and juvenile BPD. However, most parent-directed sources highlight the intense anxiety which is at the core of McDD. Psrenting, therefore, needs to be aimed at providing structure and boundaries and helping the child reduce their anxiety and emotional lability. Parents need to refrain from showing too much emotion to prevent the child from absorbing the parent’s emotions.

Children with McDD often experience psychotic symptons or full-blown psychosis in adolescence. The emotion regulation problems become less pronounced as individuals with McDD grow into adults, but social problems an thought diosorders often remain significant. Antipsychotic medications can be used to help reduce psychotic symptoms. Even so, most McDD individuals will need lifelong support.

I do not have a diagnosis of McDD, although I think I may meet its criteria. I remember my parents were asked about thought disorder symptoms and unprovoked emotional outbursts at my first autism assessment, but they said I didn’t have them. In reality, I had a lot of bizarre thoughts as a child and still do have them sometimes, and my parents were confused about the questions on unprovoked outbursts. I have, interestingly, foudn that antipsychotics help more with the emotion regulation problems than with the thought disorder symptoms. This does mean that I suffer in silence soometimes, because I do have strange fears and bizarre thoughts, but am too drugged up to act on them.