Tag Archives: Music

#TakeTheMaskOff: What Is Masking?

Today, rather late, I found out about the #TakeTheMaskOff campaign designed to promote autism acceptance and awareness of the effects of masking. I really want to participate, so even though it’s incredibly hot here, I’m writing a post.

The campaign consists of six consecutive weekly themes about which participants blog, vlog or post on other social media. The first weekly theme is “What is masking?”

Masking, put simply, is pretending to be something you’re not. This can be done either consciously or uncnsciously. Many autistic adults have learned to mask so well it’s almost second nature. We’re also encouraged to mask on a daily basis when people judge us about being autistic. Then when we mask successfully, we’re told we don’t look autistic.

For example, I’m often told that I don’t appear autistic. After all, when I hold a conversation, I appear pretty “normal”. I am told I can hold down a reciprocal conversation that doesn’t sound stereotyped or like I’m scripting. I ask people about their interests, for example. Now that it’s been extremely hot here for a few weeks already, I have even mastered some smalltalk about the weather.

This obviously (to me) does not mean I’m not autistic. Autism, despite what many people think, is not about social niceties. Autism is not the same as a lack of interest in others. Besides, I have 32 years of experience being told how selfish I am for not appearing to show an interest in others. So instead of showing a genuine interest in the people and topics I’m genuinely interested in, I learned to appear to be interested in whatever and whoever I am supposed to be interested in. In other words, I learned to mask my autistic curiosity.

For example, I was eleven when my mother told me I might be institutionalized if I didn’t become more age-appropriate. My having too many toys and dolls, according to her, contributed to my challenging behavior and I was to get rid of them. Instead, I was supposed to develop an interest in music. I wasn’t all that sophisticated at the time, so rather then developing a genuine-appearing interest in music, I hung Backstreet Boys posters on my wall.

Similarly, I was encouraged to wear jeans rather than sweatpants even though jeans were a sensory nightmare to me. It was assumed that I wore sweatpants because I didn’t care about my appearance – which is partlty true – or because I, being blind, didn’t know that my peers were wearing jeans.

Masking can become so internalized, apparently natural, that you no longer notice you’re doing it. For instance, I wear jeans without a problem now.

It is easy to assume that, because the autistic person no longer notices that they’re masking, it must not be affecting them. This often leads to the assumption that, if someone doesn’t appear autistic and isn’t acting out, they must not be autistic after all. Then people go on to assume that, if said neurotypical-appearing person does act out, it must be “manipulativeness”.

I am, however, definitely masking when I wear jeans, or listen to my husband’s favorite radio station in the car, or engage in smalltalk about the weather or someone’s upcoming vacation. It isn’t always a negative thing, but it is still masking.

Rays of Sunlight – April 2018

It’s been months since I last posted a list of things I’ve liked and loved, otherwise known as my Rays of Sunlight post. In fact, it’s been over a year, although I did post some positive posts more recently.

April 2018 was really a mixed bag. I’ve been struggling a lot, but there were also lots of positives. Today, I’m sharing these positives.

1. The beautiful weather. Today is a cloudy day, but last week, I was actually able to wear a skirt for the first time this year. It was over 25 degrees Celsius and sunny. I loved it!

2. My mood improving. I mentioned this in my gratitude post as part of the #AtoZChallenge already. Now that I’ve been on the increased dose of my antidepressant for over three weeks, I think I can sincerely say it’s helping some. I am not over the moon happy, but then again I didn’t believe I’d be. Instead, I feel calmer and a little more able to handle stressors such as my husband being home late from work. It’s still hard, but I’m less likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors. Yesterday, for example, hubby wasn’t home till 8:30PM and I felt quite stressed. However, instead of doing something self-destructive, I called the on-call nurse at the mental hospital.

3. Cuddling with my stuffed animals. I have five stuffed animals in our bed. Until recently, I didn’t know how to arrange them cofortably and still have space for myself and my husband to sleep. Now I seem to have figured it out. I love to cuddle with my stuffies just before going to sleep.

4. Nice wax melt scents. I rediscovered my wax melts on Wednesday. I don’t know which I have in my warmer right now, as I opened it when my husband was at work so couldn’t ask him to read the packaging. I love the scent though.

5. Beautiful music. Thanks to My Inner MishMash, I rediscovered Cara Dillon. She is an Irish singer and I just love her music. It’s so relaxing.

6. Kindle. On Saturday, I had a meltdown because Adobe Digial Editions, which I use for reading eBooks from Kobo, was once again crashing on an eBook I had just bought. I tried out Kindle with some free eBooks then. Amazon only accepts credit cards as payment, which I don’t have, but my husband has said I can use his if I can make Kindle work. With my version of JAWS, my main screen reader software, it isn’t working that well, but with NVDA, a free screen reader, it is. Kindle also works on the iPhone. I am loving the free children’s stories I downloaded. I may write a full review soon.

A Cornish Mum

Seven Things to Do More Often

Seriously, I’ve been wanting to write more often. Writing helps me, or it used to. Also, it’s not that I’m uninspired. A dozen ideas to write on float through my mind, but once I sit down to actually blog, it seems all pointless. Today I feel relatively well mood-wise, so I’m just forcing myself to write. I am choosing to write for Mama’s Losin’ It’s Writer’s Workshop on the prompt of seven things to do more often. There is also a prompt to write on seven things to do less often, but I couldn’t think of that many things to do less frequently.

1. Write. This I explained above already. Writing used to be a way of helping me process stuff and at the same time a way of distracting me from my depressive thoughts. Now already for nearly two years, I seem unable to write as often as I used to. Whether depressive symptoms are the cause or the effect, I do not know.

2. Move. Last week, I finally bought myself a Fitbit activity tracker. It’s a cool gadget, but so far, I’ve not been able to get moving nearly enough to meet the recommended targets. For example, I average about 3000 steps a day, while 10000 is recommended.

I don’t think my depressed mood is the reason I’m not moving. I just don’t think I can find the opportunity to. I mean, I shouldn’t go running up and down the stairs for fun, should I? And since I can’t leave the house without assistance, going for a walk is rather hard. The weather lately obviously hasn’t helped, as it’s freezing and feels even coldre. I hope that, once the temperature rises, I can get my support workers to take me on some walks again.

3. Meditate. I have two meditation apps on my iPhone but havent’used them in weeks. I really would like to practise mindfulness more.

4. Do sensory-friendly activities, like melting a wax melt or listening to soothing music.

5. Read. I don’t just mean books, but blogs too. I after all don’t seem to have the attention span to read a book most of the time, but I can usually read blog posts.

6. Show my love to my husband. This has been hard lately because of my depressed moods.

7. Focus on the positive. I really want to seek out emotionally positive experiences more. The above six practices will help me achieve this. If I can appreciate positive experiences for what they are, I’ll hopefully feel even better soon.

Of course, these seven things won’t magically make me feel happy, but they will help me move in that direction. Depressive symptoms and inactivity make each other worse, after all.

Mama’s Losin’ It

Christmas Tag

Tags are a big thing on Dutch blogs, but I rarely see them on English-language blogs. I love them. Yesterday, finally, I found an English-language Christmas tag. I alreaddy filled a Dutch one in on my Dutch blog. It’s already 11PM on Christmas day, so I am rather late to the party, but I’d still love to fill this one out.

What’s your favourite Christmas movie?
Honestly, Home Alone is the only one I know and I haven’t even seen it in full. Back when I was a child, my parents and sister used to watch musicals on TV particularly on what in the UK is called boxing day and is called second Christmas day in the Netherlands. I particularly remember one called My Fair Lady, but didn’t like it.

Have you ever had a white Christmas?
I don’t remember. Googled it and the last white Christmas we had here in the Netherlands was in 2010, so yes.

How do you usually spend the holidays?
With my parents or in-laws usually.

What’s your favorite Christmas song?
It’s Gonna Be a Cold, Cold Christmas by Dana. I don’t mind most Christmas songs, although there isn’t any I really like. However, I don’t understand how people’s favorite can be Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christams Is You.

Do you open any presents on Christmas Eve?
No. We don’t give each other Christmas presents. This used to be because in the Netherlands, St. Nicholas on December 5 is a bigger hliday (although it’s losing ground). Now in my family we don’t celebrate this anymore either.

Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
No, I’m clueless about those.

What holiday traditions are you looking forward to this year?
I didn’t look forward to much and we don’t realy have traditions.

Is your tree real or fake?
We don’t have a tree at home, because our cat would climb it. On the ward, we have four fake trees.

What’s your ultimate Christmas treat/food/sweet?
I love most, but my all-time favorite is a type of cookie called cinnamon stars. I haven’t had them in years though.

Be honest! do you prefer giving or receiving presents?
Receiving. I find giving presents stressful, particularly thinking of what others might like.

What’s the best present you’ve ever received at Christmas?
Like I said, we don’t give out Christmas gifts. Besides, I have no idea what the best present I ever received was.

What would be your dream place to visit for the holiday season?
Allow me to stay home please. I don’t enjoy the lights or snow anyway.

Are you a pro present wrapper or do you fail miserably?
I don’t even try.

Most memorable Christmas moment?
I don’t know. I’d say last year’s Christmas gourmet with my in-laws, because that’s the first that comes to mind.

What made you realize the truth about Santa?
This is about St. Nick again. My father had recorded a tape one year in which Black Peter, Santa Clause’s helper, pretended to be stuck in the chimney. (Here, the traditional storyline goes that St. Nick and his Peters ride the rooftops and throw presents down the chimney.) When I had sort of realized the truth, Dad showed me the tape.

What makes the holidays special for you?
The food and nothing else. I hate the forced niceness and togetherness. I also don’t particularly like the decorations.

Hope you all had/have a nice Christmas and boxing day.

Currently – October 2016

Oh yeah, another week and a half have passed without me blogging. Originally, I was planning on participating in #Write31Days this month again, but I couldn’t think of a topic. Then when I had something in mind, I couldn’t get myself to write my first posts, because I was sick and tired all week-end after my sister’s wedding on Friday. So no pressure this month once again. Because it’s already late in the evening and I badly want to publish a post before midnight though, I thought I’d do “Currently” once again. This month’s co-host is Jacqui and our usual host is Anne.

Cheers-ing

I don’t drink alcohol, but I would like to give a big cheers to my sister and her husband for their wedding last Friday. They had their wedding ceremony on the beach. Though it was so windy I couldn’t hear my sister say her vows, it was a beautiful ceremony.

Organizing

My soaping supplies. I have tried to resist the urge to buy more supplies, because I still don’t know whether I’ll be able to soap at day activities once I leave the institution. However, since i still don’t know when I will be leaving the institution, I’ve also thought that I might as well enjoy the craft while I still can. My wheeled bag is so full it won’t close properly now and some plastic bags were tearing, so I had to re-organize my supplies. I originaly planned on keeping some out of the bag unless I’d need them, but I have no clue where else to store them.

Dreaming

Way too vividly, if you mean dreaming while asleep. I have always had vivid dreams and they got much more vivid since starting my antipsychotic in 2010. Though the dose of this medication has been the same for several years, my vivid dreams are getting worse. Yes, I say worse, because it’s no fun.

As for daydreaming, I don’t do that much lately. So much is still unclear that I have little to look forward to except for the very next moment. You see, I’m practising staying present and enjoying the moment more. So far, I’m not very good at it.

Buying

Soaping supplies like I said. I also bought some new clothes for my sister’s wedding, as well as some body care products.

Listening

I recently discovered some new-to-me country musicians that I like. I’m also listening to a lot of audio lectures from a company called Home Academy. I used to listen to the ones I’d bought or gotten as gifts many years ago. Recently, they were added to the library for the blind’s collection, so I can now listen to them virtually for free, sine the membership fee is way less than what I used to pay for individual magazines and lectures and suchlike. The lecture I most recently finished was on the atomic bomb. It had me vividly dreaming about mushroom clouds for days.

What have you been up to lately?

Strategies for Relaxation

If you haven’t figured it out already, I need to make a confession: I am very easily stressed out. As I wrote on Thursday, I have been on or over the edge of a meltdown a couple of times lately. Since we are discussing what helps us relax on the spin cycle this week, I thought I’d list a couple of things.

1. Mindfulness and meditation. I do guided meditations every once in a while. Simply focusing on my breathing for a bit also helps. It is important not to make yourself do anything other than focus. If your attention drifts off, notice it and go back to focusing on the meditation or your breathing. You can also use a mantra.

2. Yoga. I discussed this before. Yoga can be hard when you do difficult poses, but remember yoga is for everyone. If you can’t do a certain pose exactly as experienced yogis do it, there is usually a way to adapt it to make it easier. That way, you are practising self-care, which is important in relaxation.

3. Essential oils. I own an AromaStream essential oil diffuser. It doesn’t use water or heat, so can be left on without supervision or even when you’re sleeping. There are many oils that are thought of as having relaxing properties. Examples are chamomile, lavender, bergamot, ylang ylang and jasmine. You can of course make diffuser blends.

4. Herbal teas. I have discussed these a few times. I find particularly chamomile, lavender and valerian root relaxing. St. John’s wort is thought of as having antidepressant properties.

5. Soothing music or sounds. I find that, while music that’s a little more upbeat helps cheer me up, if I truly need to relax, I benefit from nature sounds and soft music.

6. Blankets. I still need to buy myself a weighted blanket. However, lots of regular blankets also do the trick of helping me relax.

What helps yu relieve stress and relax? I’d love to read your responses in the comments or in a post of your own. Why not link it up with the spin cycle?

50 Things That Make Me Happy #50Things

I love listing positives and things that make me happy. Therefore, I was so excited to see the 50 Things That Make Me Happy meme over at Mummy Tries. I wasn’t tagged for it and I am not going to tag anyone because I’m too lazy, so consider yourself tagged if you so wish. Listing 50 things that make me happy may be quite challenging already, but I’m going to give it a try.



  1. Daydreaming about living with my husband. Now that we’re trying to figure out how we can make this happen, I’m so excited.

  2. Coffee!

  3. herbal tea. Since writing this post, I have discovered a few new herbs that I like, such as St John’s wort.

  4. Going for a walk.

  5. Yoga. Unfortunately, I can’t get my instructional DVD working, but I still like what I still know about yoga.

  6. Journaling.

  7. Reading inspirational, helpful and positive books.

  8. Being moderately successful at my attempt at losing weight without much effort. All I basically do is keep from binge eating and exercise some.

  9. Snuggling with my cats. Barry isn’t too much of a snuggler and Harry is quite hyper, but I like them both.

  10. Facebook. I am a big Facebooker, mostly engaging with groups. I haven’t updated my blog’s FB page in forever, but that’s because pages don’t work that well on the (relatively accessible) mobile FB.

  11. Crafting. I haven’t done much of it lately, but since I got complimented on my work by my husband recently, I think of giving it a try again.

  12. Cooking at day activities. I can’t cook independently to save my life, but I can help.

  13. When the head nurse makes us French fries or pancakes.

  14. The fact that I’m getting somewhat fitter. A month ago, I couldn’t even walk to the grocery store without my breathing going fast. Yesterday, I walked for about an hour. I did get tired at the end, but it was rewarding.

  15. Art therapy. I don’t always look forward to it, particularly because it’s in the morning and I’m not a morning person. I do usually like it though.

  16. Music. I recently got a Spotify account and love listening to songs on it. I mostly enjoy country.

  17. Taking a bath or shower.

  18. Nice spring weather. We’ve had some pretty good days lately.

  19. Going to concerts with my family. I wasn’t able to go to Sarah McQuaid’s concert this year because I was ill with the flu. I hope to be able to go next year.

  20. Listening to children’s stories and songs.

  21. Essential oils. I love diffusing them in my AromaStream diffuser.

  22. Hot chocolate. I get a cup each week at art therapy.

  23. Getting some fruits and veggies and nuts out of my parents’ large garden when I visit.

  24. Gardening. I don’t do it often nowadays, but my art therapist offered to get me some herbs in a pot that I could grow.

  25. Shopping online or jus looking at all the lovely stuff I could buy but won’t.

  26. Sleep. My sleep/wake cycle is a bit off though.

  27. When my husband says he loves me.

  28. Planning for possibly going back to distance learning at Open University. It might not work out, but just the idea is nice.

  29. Blogging challenges and writing prompts. I love being able to participate in challenges like the A to Z Challenge, although it’s sometimes frustrating when I have lots of other things to write about.

  30. The singing of birds.

  31. Mindfulness exercises.

  32. Learning about natural health even when I can’t or won’t practise it.

  33. The fact that I have some more energy after starting on vitamin D and iron supplements (and vitamin B12 but that has been discontinued).

  34. Going to church. I don’t go nearly as often as I would like to, but I love it everytime I go.

  35. Reading devotionals and other spiritual writings. I lean towards progressive Christianity in my faith, but also derive meaning from many other traditions.

  36. Reading and writing poetry.

  37. The fact that I overcame most of my classic PTSD symptoms.

  38. Nurturing my inner child(ren).

  39. Having a much better relationship with my parents than I used to have.

  40. The fact that I’m a lot calmer generally and having much fewer meltdowns than I used to.

  41. Black liquorice. I haven’t bought it in a while because it is a binge food for me, but my husband has offered to help me divide it into portions. That way, I will be able to enjoy it in moderation.

  42. Receiving cards and small gifts from people from all over the world whom I’ve met online.

  43. Meeting online friends in real life. I recently traveled to Rotterdam to meet someone I’d known for twelve years but never met in real life.

  44. Hearing my parents tell stories about their life in the countryside. I really hope to live in a rural area someday too. This is weird, because I used to believe I wanted to live in the city.

  45. Going to my favorite restaurant with my husband. When I lived in my old institution, we went there often because it’s in that city. Now we treat ourselves to it on special occasions like our anniversary.

  46. All kinds of animals. I used to care for guinea pigs and rabbits at my old institution and go to a horse staple to care for a pony.

  47. Making my own smoothies.

  48. Long summmer evenings spent outdoors.

  49. My birthday. I used to dread it but now look forward to it.

  50. Putting on make-up – or rather, having someone else put make-up on me. I don’t get it done often, but when I do, I like it.

Wow, this was a little hard sometimes, but I am so much happier having written this list! It truly cheered me up. Have a nice week everyone!

You Baby Me Mummy
Post Comment Love
Mami 2 Five

List of Things I Love #TuesdayTen

Today on Tuesday Ten and this week on the Spin Cycle, “love” is the theme. Not romantic love, as both hosts felt this was too cliche. The theme is rather simply listing things you love.

I need some positive vibes at this momemnt, because I’m frustrated. My psychologist is on maternity leave and this essentially means no therapy for four months. The psychiatric resident who is now my treatment provider, focuses on distraction. This isn’t great when I’ve been doing it for months (because I got this psychologist only a while ago and she didn’t want to start working on stuff till she’s back from leave). Then again, for now it might just help me to focus on things that make life positive. Therefore, I’m going to parttake in this challenge and list ten things I love.

1. Country music. Particularly, I like German country, such as Tom Astor and Truck Stop. I just had 14 Tage auf dem Brenner by Tom Astor on repeat on YouTube (only a few times or it’d cost me too much data), and am now listening to the rest of his music on my computer. I just happen to like the YouTube version of 14 Tage auf dem Brenner more than the one on my computer.

2. Juvenile fiction. The last book I finished is A Different Me by Deborah Blumenthal (see my review). To my surprise, Blumenthal saw my review without me having notified her, and she appreciated it. I have two more eBooks in the teen fiction category on my reading list, one of which I unfortunately still can’t load (and the Kobo contact form sucks). The other sounds like something I will probably love.

3. My lavender-scented shower gel. I bought it at a discount supermarket so there’s probably not a trace of lavender in it, but I love the smell.

4. Black liquorice. For those Dutch people who know me, I don’t need to say more. I unfortunately have never been able to convey my love for the taste to someone outside of the Netherlands. Like, when I went to Russia in 2000, I brought a bag of liquorice and other typically-Dutch candy for the family I’d be staying with, and I was the one eating it. Worse yet, I don’t even see black liquorice in supermarkets in Germany. It’s a shame! I particularly love the sweet kind. Don’t care for the salty kind that much.

5. Pepperoni pizza. Now that we’re talking food anyway, this has to be my favorite pizza. I love it even more when it’s homemade. My father used to make great pizza when my sister and I were little. Of course, we got to top our pizza slices ourselves.

6. My stuffed animals. I have a stufed whale that I’ve had since I came home from the neonatal unit, and a stuffed cat that I got for my high school graduation. I can’t find the whale right now, but the cat oversees my pillow.

7. The real life, flesh-and-blood cats. My husband has two cats at his apartment, Harry and Barry. Though they can be a bit annoying at times (and that’s a huge understatement), they are still lovely. I actually have thought about doing some cat posts here on the blog, but I don’t have any pictures of the cats and honestly wouldn’t know what to write about them.

8. My AromaStream essential oil diffuser. Probably mentioned this one in another Tuesday Ten post or something, but I truly love it. I am not too big of a believer in aromatherapy, though I believe in it a bit. Then again, even just having a nice scent in the room can be comforting.

9. Coffee. I have been drinking coffee since I was about six. For a special treat, I particularly love cinnamon coffee. Simply add a sniff of ground cinnamon to the ground coffee (one teaspoon for twelve cups of coffee) in the basket of an automatic drip coffeemaker. To make it extra special, you can serve the cinnamon coffee with a cinnamon stick and whipped cream sprinkled lightly with ground cinnamon. If you just serve the cinnamon coffee as is, the cinnamon taste isn’t overpowering.

10. All my craft supplies. I haven’t used them in a while, but still love looking through my stash. Yeah, I’m a bit of a hoarder.

The Golden Spoons

Ways to Cope with Anxiety

A fellow patient was screaming a lot today. It made me feel anxious, yet I was too sleepy to get out of bed until it really got on my nerves. Situations like these are hard to cope with, since the fear is not just “in my head”. Yet I get anxiety that is actually “in my head” a lot too. Some of it takes the form of worry, while other times, the anxiety takes the form of panic.

i was inspired today to write about things that help me cope with anxiety. Of course, different forms of anxiety require different coping strategies. For example, my PRN medication doesn’t help with worry, but it does help some with panic. Meds aside though, here are the activities I can think of now to cope with anxiety.

1. Breathing techniques. I learned some in movement therapy a few years ago, but they usually made me dissociate. Now that I’m generally more grounded, in that I don’t dissociate as often anymore, I’ve found breathing techniques can help me calm my mind. I need to make sure I actually concentrate on my breathing or I’ll go hyperventilate just when I’m trying to relax.

2. Mindfulness. I particularly like the “body scan”. With this, I go from toe to head, concentrating on each part of my body and how it is in relation to other parts of my body or my surroundings (like the chair I sit on). I learned this in yoga a few years back and, like breathing techniques, it could set off some dissociation when done the wrong way. The key seems to be not judging my mind when it wanders off, yet getting my focus back to my body as soon as I notice. Not judging my body is also important. I shouldn’t be overthinking that pain in my tummy or how my feet are wobbly, but just register my body and how it feels and then move on.

3. Reading. Last year, I rediscovered my love of juvenile fiction when I first started buying eBooks on Kobo. I make sure I always have some teen fiction in my Adobe Digital Editions. Teen fiction usually is just involved enough that it requires some concentration and just light enough that it doesn't get boring or triggering.

4. Music. when I’m worrying, I like to pick out music that has strong or funny lyrics, so that I will be listening to them. I have some great German country music on my computer (I understand a little German). Again, it is just hard enough that I will want to concentrate on the lyrics but not so hard that I give up.

When I’m more in a jittery state, it helps to pick music that has a soothing melody, or more often actually music that I can dance to. When I choose music to dance to, I don’t listen to the lyrics, so I might as well pick one of my Latino music albums that I bought when I was into world music.

5. Exercise. Dancing, as I said, can help, but so can a work-out. We have some exercise machines on the unit, so I can go on the stationary bike or elleptical trainer. I don’t usually last long on either as I’m in terrible shape, but even a ten-minute work-out can greatly reduce my anxiety.

6. Writing. Usually writing helps me not to lessen anxiety, but to express it in a safe way. I am still looking for the right journaling program (and no, Notepad still doesn’t feel right). Blogging (as opposed to freeform journaling) however can also greatly help me structure my thoughts.

The List

I’m a Survivor!

Yesterday I came across a song that truly inspied me.


I could not find whether the reference to premature birth is to Reba Mcentire’s own life, but it does resonate with me. I was, after all, born three months too early.

Often, survivorship refers to people who have endured childhood or domestic abuse, have survived serious illnesses like cancer, or stuff like natural disasters. Babies are too young to remember the hurdles they overcome as they survive the neonatal intensive care unit, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t survivors nonetheless. Preemies beat the odds, after all.

I remember when someone asked me what experience I was proudest of overcoming, I responded that it was premature birth, because without having overcome that experience, I wouldn’t be alive. Even my suicidal crisis in 2007 doesn’t compare to this, as I was not physically close to death then.

I am very happy to finally have found a song about a woman born too early. I know I got a CD for my birthday with songs on it about a boy with a birth defect, but these are written from the father’s perspective. It is hard to find former preemies even on large social networking sites like Facebook – I created a group for them and no-one except for the friends I added would join. There is a group on Yahoo, but it isn’t active at all. By listening to this song, I feel validated that prematurity was something I have survived, yet also encouraged to move beyond mere survivorship.

There is not much known about the effects of premature birth on the surviving children. Well, it is known that many develop autism and related conditions, but I mean stuff like attachment disorder. There is a lot more research on the traumatic effects on the parents of preemies. This frustrates me. I know that trauma before the age of three is hardly taken seriously, because a child is too young to remember it and those who claim to remember, are often accused of faking. I agree that memories before age three are rare, but that doesn’t mean that experiences from very early life can’t affect attachment and later personality development.

The important message in this song is however to be proud of your survivor status and to move on and reclaim yur life. I try to do that and am totally happy with this new music find.

Linking up with Motivation Monday, Inspire Me Monday, and Wellbeing Wednesday.