Tag Archives: Lists

Bucket List for 2017

It’s already January 9th. This means it’s a bit late for new year’s resolutions. I wrote about some dreams for the new year on my Dutch blog. The reason I called them dreams rather than resolutions is that I didn’t want to feel the pressure of having to actually keep them. I seem to like writing about my goals much more than actually pursuing them, after all. On my list of dreams was the mandatory weight loss goal that’s been sitting on my resolutions list for years. This year, I admitted that I mostly wrote it down out of a sense of obligation. I am just not that motivated for weight loss. In fact, yesterday I bought a bag of winegums and only shared them with my fellow patients because my husband threw around the risk of my developing diabetes. Now my blood sugar was in the low normal range last week when I had it measured, but still.

My most important goal, of course, is to get out of the freakn’ institution. Now my funding runs out at the end of the year anyway, so whether I’m ready or not I will be out then anyway. I can say that I’m finally feeling a bit ready though. It’s still hard, not knowing what sort of help I’ll get. Other than that I’m pretty much done with the institution, regardless of what my psychologist would like to believe.

Today, rather than repeating some general goals, I am going to write a bucket list of things I’d like to do in 2017. Here goes.

1. Learn to use an iPhone and buy one. I am waiting for the eye doctor who did my surgery in 2013 to write a referral for me to get iPhone use training at the blindness agency. Yes, it has to be an eye doctor referring you, which is stupid, since if you’re totally blind, what use is there in having an eye doc? I will either get this training at the residential home for elderly blind people in the institution town or at the blindness agency in the nearest big city, depending on whether I’m still in the institution once I can get started. Once I learn to use the iPhone, I want to buy one too. (By the way, iPhones are the most user-friendly smartphones for blind people, which is why I’d get training to use an iPhone.)

2. Learn to use Windows 10. I am pretty sure my computer isn’t going to survive 2017. This means getting a new one and that means learning to use Windows 10. Yes, I’ll still want a computer if I buy myself an iPhone, because smartphones cannot do everything PCs can and vice versa. I need to convince my new health insurance to fund a new version of JAWS, because my current one doesn’t work with Windows 10. I initially thought I’d switch to NVDA, a free screen reader, but it still has some major drawbacks.

3. Go swimming. My husband badly wants to go on vacation this year. I don’t care for vacation that much, but I’d love to swim in the sea. Alternatively, I want to finally go swimming at the pool again.

4. Choose and buy some more furniture for in my room at home. Currently, there’s just my desk and the remains of a cupboard. My husband wants me to get a bed in that room. I saw a nice bunk when we went to Ikea on Saturday, but it cost €280. I at least hope I’ll have a nicely-furnished room by the time I move out of the institution.

5. Leave the institution, for goodness’ sake. Need I explain?

What is on your 2017 bucket list?

My Achievements in 2016

The year 2016 is almost over and I feel pretty disappointed. It should’ve been the year in which I finally left the mental institution, but I didn’t. I mean, I’ve been resolving to leave the hospital every single year since 2008, but this time I thought I was so close. It’s even worse, because I get blamed for not having achieved this goal. My psychologist tells me I never want to leave and that I try every single trick to delay my discharge. This to her proves my dependent personalty disorder. Well, it wasn’t me who took four months to come up with that diagnosis. It wasn’t me who still hasn’t referred me to outpatient treatment and it wasn’t because for whatever reason I blocked this – I didn’t.

In many other ways, this year has been a disappointment. Still, I need to focus on the things that I did achieve in 2016. They may not feel important to me at this point, but that is only a matter of perspective.

1. I have not been in seclusion all year. I tend to think that, because I’m supposed to leave and there’s no seclusion outside of the institution, staff are less likely to ask me to go into seclusion. There is likely some truth to this, but I also have been acting out much less over the past year than I used to. It isn’t over yet – I broke a mug and self-injured only a few days ago. It’s better though.

2. My daily medication has been stable all year. I did finally get a prescription for a benzodiazepine to use at most twice a week as-needed. I hardly need it though.

3. I managed to binge eat less than I did last year. Though I resolved to get my BMI under 30 and this was a massive fail, my weight remained stable over the year.

4. We got an elliptical trainer at home. Though I didn’t use it as regularly as I’d have liked, I enjoyed exercsing when I did.

5. I found a craft that I enjoy. This is one of my biggest wins of 2016. Though I don’t make soap or skin care products as regularly as I intended to anymore, half a year in I still enjoy the craft. I also finally felt confident enough to make soaps and skin care products for other people. I never quite felt as self-confident about my other crafts. Recently, I experienced some setbacks, in that a few soaps I made over the past few weeks turned out worse than even my first soaps. However, I’m not about to give up (yet).

6. I didn’t give up blogging, even though I was tempted. I kept up one Dutch blog from early June until now, although December was a bad month. Consistent with more posts here, as always, my posting on there declined. I’m not about to give up eithehr blog though.

In short, my theme for 2016 has been “persevere”. I faced many setbacks and disappointments, but I didn’t give up. I hope that 2017 will be better than 2016, but if it isn’t, I hope I will keep on persevering.

You Baby Me Mummy

Currently – September 2016

Wow, summer flew by! Even though the weather is quite summerlike, unlike in July and most of August, it’s already September. I have several posts I would still like to write, but I am rather unmotivated for blogging here lately. It could be because my Dutch blog is three months old and it looks like this is going to be a keeper. I do like to write there, although I don’t write nearly as often as I used to write here. Anyway, because I’m not motivated for a proper blog post, I’d like to write a “Currently” post once again. Currently is hosted this time by Beth and of course Anne.

Reading

I’ve been reading a lot of books and not finishing any lately. I still didn’t finish Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult, which I started in June. I also started Still Alice by Lisa Genova then, but have been leaving that for so long that I recently started over.

A few days ago, I bought Do No Harm by Herny Marsh. It’s a book of stories from a neurosurgeon. There doesn’t seem to be anything about hydrocephalus or pediatric surgery in general in it. Still, it’s quite interesting.

Trying

Lotion making. I didn’t do much in the way of soap making lately, but on Tuesday, I tried once again to make a body lotion. It failed again, this time for completely different reasons than the last time (I guess that means I’m learning!). The whole lotion making thing sounds a bit more complicated than I initially thought it would be. However, as I watched a video tutorial on it that was recommended to me by some Dutch lotion makers yesterday, I was reassured that it also probably isn’t as complicated as some other people make it sound. For example, I forgot the heat and hold phase, which means you need to heat your oil and water phases separately to 70 degrees Celsius and keep them at that temperature for twenty minutes. Well, that doesn’t seem to need to be dome as precisely. We’ll see next time.

Hoping

To be more motivated and inspired to get things done. Like finishing those books I started, making soap and blogging. I now spend most of my time on Facebook or in bed. Would really like to get more productve.

Decorating

Nothing really. The last decorative soap I made was already two weeks ago. I have another one planned, but need to get the motivaiton to actually go about it.

To-Do Listing

I don’t have much on my to-do list at this moment, except for the things I already mentioned I’m hoping to accomplish. On Monday, I did finally cross off the routine medical exam I’d been delaying for months.

What are you currently up to?

List of Things that Make Me Me

During the past week and a half, a lot has happened, and yet so little has. I spoke to the patient advocate regardng the recent diagnonsense. She recommended a second opinion at another hospital. For various reasons, I decided against this. My psychologist did consult a psychiatrist at the brain injury unit, who told her she was right that brain injury and autism shouldn’t really be diagnosed together, but the same goes for borderline personality disorder and brain injury. Now I’m left with a very confusing diagnosis. I think it’s going to be personality change due to a general medical condition (brain injury), but my psychologist also said something about generalized anxiety disorder and attachment disorder possibly going onto my diagnosis. And I thought I was the one who collected labels.

This is all very confusing, because I rely on concrete labels for defining myself. How coincidental that I just opened a journaling eBook to a random prompt and it told me to make a list of my uniqueness, my marvelousness, my talents. These are not psychiatric labels, because, although some people consider autism a gift, I cannot say that autism itself should be one of my talents. With no further ado, here is my great list of things that make me me.


  • I am intelligent. I have a lot of knowledge and I can articulate it well most of the time. I am good at analyzing stuff.

  • I can persever(at)e if I truly want to achieve something.

  • I am sensitive. Sometimes, this sensitivity causes me to experience overwhelm to the point where I appear uncaring, but I truly care about other people.

  • I am creative. I write, I craft, I make soap.

  • I have a pretty cynical sense of humor. I remember on my first day in the psychiatric hospital, telling jokes about how you could tell the patients and staff apart.

  • I am stubborn and I like it. My husband jokes that my parents haven’t made up their minds about anything since the 1980s. I am thankful not to be that extreme, but I can really want to be right sometimes.

  • I am a semi-successful blogger even though I haven’t been blogging as much over the past few months.

  • I am a good wife.


This list should or could probably be longer. It also didn’t really cheer me up. However, it does help me see that I’m more than my confusing set of diagnosense.

Ten Ways in Which I’m Blessed

This week was a tough one. I have been stressed almost constantly over a lot of things. For this reason, I’m extra happy to find out that Finish the Sentence Friday is about blessings this week. It’s supposed to be a joint linky with Tuesday Ten, but I can’t find the Tuesday Ten post on blessings. Maybe it’ll go live next Tuesday. However, let me write a list of ways in which I’m blessed anyway. I hope it’ll cheer me up. Here goes.


  • I have my husband. I’m so glad I met him nine years ago.

  • I have my home in the tiny village.

  • I have my family. My parents are still in good health and my grandma is still alive and relatively well for a 92-year-old too.

  • I have my cat Barry.

  • I don’t have to worry about money most of the time.

  • I am in okay physical health.

  • I have my computer, with which I can connect to the Internet and interact with mostly supportive people.

  • I can write and express myself creatively.

  • I have my faith. Even if no-one else loved me, God does.

  • I am alive. I am not always happy about this, but right now, I try to see it as a blessing.

It was a bit hard to write this list, but I’m so happy I got to do it. I hope you are blessed in many ways too.

Currently – July 2016

I skipped the Currently linky, hosted by Anne and Jenna last month. This month, however, the words appealed to me, so I’m participating again.

Toasting

This word was what drew my attention to this moth’s post. One of the nurses was laid off in late June and she gave us patients a great toaster. The nurses already had one in the office, but we weren’t allowed to use it, because we had been bad at keeping ours clean, which had then broken down. Now, so far, we’re keeping the new toaster in good condition. I toasted a croque monsieur on it yesterday and it was delicious.

Going

For some walks. My new gravatar is a picture taken about three weeks ago when my husband and I walked along the water a few towns away from the tiny village we live in. Other than that, I’m not going anywhere much except for extending my week-ends on home leave. I am planning on starting ot stay home on Mondays by the 18th.

Smelling

Blue Soap

Vanilla, coconut and banana everywhere. These are the three fragrance oils that came with my soap making starter kit. I have truly contracted the soap making virus and have made so many soap hearts already I have almost lost count. Above is a picture of one of my best ones. People are now also asking for other scents, so I ordered three new fragrance oils that are due to arrive tomorrow: strawberry, cinnamon and violets. I also ordered a new mold.

Wearing

T-shirts that I’ve become too big for (or let’s just say that they’ve shrunk). I hate clothes shopping, so I tried to order some new T-shirts online, but the style I wanted was sold out.

Wishlisting

Way too many soap making supplies. I ordered many of the things I had on my wishlist already, but still want more. The store I ordered my starter kit at celebrates its eleventh anniversary today, so they’re offering discounts till Sunday. Of course, discounts don’t mean you won’t spend money.

I’m hoping my husband can also take me to a budget store, so I can look for storage boxes for my fragrance oils and colorants, empty lotion bottles, packaging and some other things.

Soap making aside, however, I badly want a new blender, since someone took apart my last one and neither I nor the nurses can fix it so it won’t leak.

What have you been up to lately?

Top Ten Plans for This Summer

It’s (almost) summertime. The weather has been quite good here lately. Particularly last week, the weather was lovely. This week, it’s getting slightly cooler and we’ve had some rain. However, the weather is still good enough to be outside in a T-shirt without a jacket. That’s one thing I love about spring and summer.

One of Mama’s Losin’ It’s prompts for this week is to share your top ten summer plans. I am really looking forward to this summer and I’d love to share my plans with you. Many are the same as last year’s, but unlike then, I did already make some of my plans happen.


  1. Go swimming. This is one of the items on last year’s bucke tlist that I couldn’t cross off then. This year, I’m participatng in a four-day swimming event this very week. I’m swimming only 100 meters each day, which is the shortest distance you could do. So far, I’ve completed two days of the event, that is really five days, already. You only need to complete four out of five days for the medal, but I plan on swimming each day.

  2. Have a barbecue. This is on last year’s list too. I didn’t think that I’d make this year’s barbecue on the institution unit, but now I think I will. It hasn’t been planned yet, but I heard the head nurse say she was going to get the DJ we have each year booked again.

  3. Sit in the garden. My home garden this time. I didn’t know last year of course that this year I’d have a real garden at home. The unit garden is also going to get remodeled soon.

  4. Eat strawberries, blackberries, blackcurrants, etc. I got raspberries from the market last week, but we don’t have them in the garden. The shrub my husband bought died before we could plant it. We do have many other berries, however. I don’t know how well they’ll do their first year, but I already ate a strawberry out of our garden last week.
  5. Go for walks. I walked form our old apartment to the institution a few times last year. This year, our walks have been in the tiny village. I hope to go to the woods sometime this summer too.

  6. Spend time with family. I’ve got to have an item on the list that I didn’t have last year. My sister and my parents are both coming over to our home next week (if my sister can get the day off) to celebrate my birthday.

  7. Eat the head nurse’s French fries and/or macaroni. There’s a nurse who lives in Turkey most of the year who comes over to work at our unit for the summers. It’s a tradition that she and the head nurse make macaroni from scratch once each year. It doesn’t sound that special, I know, but for people who normally get microwave meals everyday, it is. I’ve also heard the head nurse has plans for making us French fries on a Sunday in July. She makes fries about once a month, but usually on Saturdays, when I’m home.

  8. Wear my new dress. I already wore a skirt several times this year. I also bought two new dresses, one of which I already wore. I want to wear the other one too.

  9. Do lots of reading. This was one of the things I didn’t do enough of last year, even though I could. This year, it’s even easier, since I finally got a full Bookshare membership. I plan on reading a few books that I’ve wanted to read forever but never got down to buying as eBooks. Not that I couldn’t have bought them as eBooks, but I was planning on getting a Bookshare membership all along and so delayed getting the books. Reading books in DAISY format is still easier than reading eBooks. Of course, getting them from Bookshare, which is like a library for print disabled people, is cheaper too. I will review the books that I read here too.

  10. Write. I haven’t been blogging here as much as I’d like to this month or last month. After all, I’ve been feeling pretty uninspired. I hope to be inspired soon.


What are your plans for this summer?

Mama’s Losin’ It

Happy List – May 30 to June 5, 2016

I’ve been feeling extremely unmotivated to blog lately. It’s not that I don’t want to, or that there aren’t enough prompts or other ideas to get me started. I just can’t get my fingers moving and actually type that post. I don’t know whether it’s for that reason or in spite of it, but I’ve wanted to restart my Dutch website, blog or both. Of course, I’m uninpsired on that side of the language fence too. Just to get myself back into the swing of things, I’ll just write a list of things I’m happy about this week.



  • I’ve been doing okay in the exercise department. The physical therapist came to my unit on Monday to do exercise with me and I worked out some with the resistance band. On Tuesday, I went to the institution gym and did well there. I’ve also been lifting weights and working out more with the resistance band in my room. Yesterday, I went on the elliptical at home.

  • On a somewhat related note, the physical therapist measured the strength in my hands, believing my left hand would be weaker. Turned out they’re both equally strong (or weak). I didn’t ask whether my strength is much worse than normal people’s. It probably is, but for now, let’s forget that and focus on the fact that my left hand isn’t weaker than the right one.


  • On Wednesday, two student nurses from the locked ward went to the market and there was still room in their car. Since one guy ended up not wanting to go and another woman had just lost her privileges, I was the only one going. We bought fruit for my unit and the locked unit and I got some fish.

  • On Friday, my husband and I went out to buy fries and snacks. Yesterday, my husband made us tortillas. Both times, the food was great.

  • Yesterday, my husband and I went clothes shopping for me. We didn’t find what we’d hoped for, but we did find some great dresses.

  • The weather is good. We were supposed t get thunderstorms all week, but in the institution town we only got one on Tuesday. My husband did get worse thuderstorms. Over the week-end, however, we had beautiful weather at home.

  • Our cat Barry celebrated his third birthday today. My in-laws came and brought an apple pie. Barry himself got some of his favorite food.


What are you happy about this week?

20 Things I’m Grateful For

It’s been an interesting week this past week. All sorts of emotions have been going through my mind. Since we got the key to our new home, I’ve been happy. I also have been experiencing intense sadness, anger and anxiety because of some unclarity as to how I’m going to prepare for living with my husband in our new home.

It was also of course Thanksgiving in the United States last Thursday. In the Netherlands, Psychologie Magazine declared the day “gratitude day”. Of course, we will never emulate the U.S. tradition, but the attitude of gratitude is great. For this reason, I am going to make a general gratitude list. Not one specific to this week, but I’m aiming for 20 things I’m grateful for in life in general.


  1. My marriage.

  2. My family. My parents are still in good health and my favorite grandma is still alive.

  3. My online friends. I don’t have any real-life friends, though I get to meet my online friends in real life on occasion.

  4. Adaptive technology.

  5. The Internet.

  6. The Dutch health care system. It’s a bit broken but not as broken as other countries’ health care systems.

  7. My relatively good physical health. I do have some chronic ailments but they are rather mild and don’t impair my daily life as much.

  8. My relative mental wellness. It’s worse than my physical wellness but it’s still okay.

  9. Psychiatric medication.

  10. Day activities.

  11. Social security.

  12. My financial situation.

  13. My education, though it was hard.

  14. My husband’s and my new home.

  15. My staff.

  16. More than enough food.

  17. Sleep.

  18. Soothing scents and sounds.

  19. The weather, which is relatively mild most of the time here.

  20. The fact that I’alive.

I could probaby think of some more, but I’m too lazy to challenge myself. Which of these things are you most grateful for? Or do you have any others?

mumturnedmom

Coffee #TuesdayTen

Today is International Coffee Day. In honor of this celebration, the Tuesday Ten hosts ask about our morning routine, whether we drink coffee or not. I am twistng this idea a bit and sharing ten truths about my coffee-drinking habits throughout the day. I remember sharing some of these before, probably when International Coffee Day came around last year, but some items will be new.


  • I started drinking coffee when I was aroudn six-years-old. In pictures of me drinking coffee, I look really disgusted. I still have a disgusted look on my face when I drink coffee, even though I like it.

  • I like my coffee black and quite strong, though the coffee my husband makes is a little too strong for my taste. Some people on my unit also make incredibly strong coffee.

  • Last week was one of the first times I drank cappuccino. I must say I loved it!

  • My husband and I have a Senseo coffee maker, which means I can finally get a regular cuppa rather than my husband's strong brew that I mentioned above. It also means that I can make my own coffee. I used to be able to operate a regular coffee brewing machine, but getting the amount of water and coffee right is a bit hard.

  • I don’t drink nearly as much coffee now as I used to. We have specific coffee times on our unit at 10AM, 4:30PM and 7:30PM. I usually skip at least one of these because I’m in bed. Guess I need to drag myself out and get a cuppa.

  • On the unit, we are allowed to get up by 7AM and make coffee then as well. Usually, some is still left by the time I get up at around 8:30. I like to start my day with a cup of coffee and a bowl of yoghurt with muesli.

  • Because the afternoon is so long without coffee, being that we can’t have it till 4:30PM, I sometimes go to day activities just to get a cuppa. Many people do. It isn’t that, at day activities, we can get unlimited coffee, but at least we aren’t stuck with the fixed coffee moments.

  • Speaking of day activities, most people look forward to Friday at 3PM, when we are allowed cappuccino or hot chocolate instead of regular coffee. There’s an automated coffeee machine upstairs from day activities where the administration probably get their hot chocolate, cappuccino and coffee all the time, but the activity staff got complaints that we’re drinking too much of it. That’s why we only get hot chocolate or cappuccino on Friday afternoons.

  • I do get hot chocolate most weeks on Thursday morning when I go to art therapy. That is, if there’s cocoa in the machine there, which often there isn’t.

  • I truly find that coffee keeps me awake. This is probably why I am most awake in the evenings, because I rarely skip my 7:30PM coffee. Then again, whether I drink coffee in the evening or not doesn’t seem to influence whether I can sleep at night.

The Golden Spoons
Everyday Gyaan