Welcome to this week’s #WeekendCoffeeShare. I’m a little late this week, as yesterday my husband and I spent most of the day at my in-laws and I didn’t have my computer or external keyboard for my phone with me, so I could barely type. So grab a cup of your favorite drink and sit with me as I write about this week. I’ll have a cup of green tea instead of coffee even though it isn’t terribly late here yet.
On Saturday last week, I finally went onto the scale again. I hadn’t weighed myself in a few weeks. As I feared, I had gained weight, but even more than I expected. I’d gained 2kg. I was so angry with myself. I mean, yes, we’d eaten pizza three evenings that week, but that couldn’t possibly explain such a huge weight gain. My husband tried to reassure me, saying I was probably constipated. This may be so, as the next day I’d gained another 800 grams. Tomorrow marks one year since the start of my weight loss journey and I’m afraid I will not reach my goal of having a BMI under 30. Then again, last January, I did reach this goal already and stayed at that weight all through early May.
On Sunday evening, the Center for Consultation and Expertise (CCE) coordinator E-mailed me and my support coordinator. As we’d had the meeting with her on the 15th of May, she’d planned on discussing my case on the following Monday but hadn’t realized this was a bank holiday. She had eventually discussed me with her colleague and had decided to ask a consultant to focus assessment on my needs and wishes rather than on a diagnosis. On Tuesday, she E-mailed us again to let us know she’d found a suitable consultant and we’d be contacted again to set an appointment for a first meeting.
My support coordinator had also inquired about getting long-term care funding for me. Whether this is possible, depends on whether my blindness is the primary reason for my care or my mental health or autism. If it’s blindness, I may get long-term care funding, whereas if it’s autism or mental illness, I definitely won’t. Long-term care funding would enable me to move to supported housing for the disabled or get more support while living with my husband.
On Thursday, I had my first session of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) with my new nurse practitioner. DBT was originally developed for treating people with borderline personality disorder (BPD). It’s usually group therapy. Though I do have BPD traits, I’m also autistic, which means that group therapy would be hard for me. I therefore do the DBT individually. I had already started DBT with my community psychiatric nurse, who left recently. My nurse practitioner, who took over from her, proposed to start at the beginning of the therapy manual again. We only managed to work through the first page, which details the goals of DBT. There are four skills domains on which I’ll work: mindfulness, emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness and distress tolerance.
I also realized as I was talking to my nurse practtitioner how angry I still am at the psychologist from the institution who kicked me out almost with no after care last year. My nurse practitioner did the intake interview for this team with me last year and mentioned how he and the psychiatrist got a totally different impression of me than said psychologist had painted. The psychologist had diagnosed me with dependent personality disorder for claiming care I supposedly didn’t need. She removed my autism diagnosis. The nurse practitioner and psychiatrist saw pretty soon that I’m not dependent at all. Yes, I need a lot of support, but that’s due to my disabilities (including autism), not low self-esteem. In fact, I just realized how this psychologist had in fact broken my self-determination. I don’t feel safe to ask for help much now and am a lot more passive than I was when I had this dependency diagnosis. My nurse practitioner validated my feelings, in fact saying that the reason for the CCE involvement is in part the poor after care this psychologist had arranged for.
On Friday, I went adaptive horseback riding again. Angie, my horse, was scared of a car passing by and attempted to go on the run while I sat on her back. This was terrifying. Thankfully, I managed to keep seated on her back. She was quickly calmed down again, but I was shocked for a bit aftwards. So was the girl who held the horse. Thanfkully, the instructor always walks beside my horse because of my blindness, so the girl wasn’t on her own. I still had fun horseback riding.
I’ve yet to think of what I want for my birthday at the end of the month. I will have to look at sensory toy shops for inspiration. I’m also thinking of starting up the soap making craft again, so maybe I’ll ask for supplies for that.
What have you all been up to this past week?