Tag Archives: Dietician

Week Starting September 22, 2014 #Thelist

I’m feeling a little tense and wanting to write, but at the same time lacking inspiration. I thought therefore that I’d participate in #Thelist (formerly #Mumslist) again and wrap up my week.


  • Had my last meeting with my now former psychologist. Haven’t yet gotten an appointment with the new one. At this last meeting, we discussed the paperwork to be sent to Leo Kanner House, a national autism agency, for a consultation. My psychologist read me the referral letter and sent me my current treatment plan for review.

  • The treatment plan was okay, though I felt a little awkward about all the things I “can’t” or need help with. The one thing I disagreed with was the seclusion policy. It said that I could be asked to go into seclusion if I am a significant nuisance to others (eg. screaming, slamming doors, etc.). In reality, I usually ask for seclusion for my own safety when I’m having suicidal thoughts or self-harm issues. I asked my psychologist to bring policy in line with reality. Was at first stressed out because my named nurse said she’d asked my psychologist the same and then she’d refused. Thankfully, the psychologist sent me a nice E-mail saying more or less “sure, will do”.

  • Had art therapy yesterday and finished making an art doll for a mixed media swap. It’s made out of mostly “useless” materials. I have to send it out one of these days as the deadline for getting it in my partner’s hands is October 1. No picture yet as my art therapist can’t access her E-mail.

Healthy Living

I saw the dietician for the last time today. I’ve been trying to lose weight for months, but unsuccessfully so. Our agreement was that I’d stop going if I’d gained weight since the last appointment. Though I’d lost 1.2kg (not much for a three-week period), we decided to call it quits anyway. Our agreements are:

  • Focus more on exercise rather than mostly on eating, since I can’t seem to control my overeating.

  • Ask the nurses for help more when I’m stressed instead of going on a food haul. Someone need to accompany me to the store anyway so I may be able to switch my request to go to the store and buy candy over to a request for help regulating my stress.

  • Get weighed by the nurses once a month to make sure I’m keeping my weight stable. I’ll be weighed every first of the month so we have a base weight on Wednesday.

Reading, Writing, Blogging

  • Haven’t been blogging much and haven’t been content with my posts.

  • Did read and write a review of Working the Double Shift by Christine Motokane. Am somewhat content with my review and as I said then, loved the book.

  • Found out about the Typed Words, Loud Voices book project today and submitted a contribution. I’ve been asked either directly or indirectly to write for anthologies two other times, but this is the first time I actually submitted something. Fingers crossed that it’ll be accepted

The List

Food #WotW

It’s been a week full of appointments. I saw my psychologist on Wednesday. She is leaving in a month, so she introduced me to my new psychologist, whom I’d already met informally a few times. I also saw the pastor on Friday. We had a good talk.

I also saw the dietician on Friday, which inspires me to choose a word of the week: food. The week has been rather difficult with regards to my eating habits. While I had only one or two real binges, I did overeat a lot. As I said, I saw the dietician on Friday and discovered that I’d gained over 1 1/2 kg in six weeks. I’m now at my heaviest weight that I’ve ever been at.

I spoke to the dietician about my eating habits, and we mutually concluded that I may not be truly motivated for change. I do talk recovery a lot here on the blog, but at the same time, I still overeat and continue gaining weight. We decided that if I’ve gained more weight by the next time I see the dietician in three wjeeks, we will call it quits because seeing her is a waste of both our time.

I was determined not to buy candy and to eat healthfully from then on, but when my husband called to ask if I wanted to go eat out with his parents, I couldn’t say “No” either. All of us except for my mother-in-law ended up ordering a three-course meal. I didn’t really feel hungry after the main course, but couldn’t resist the urge to order a dessert anyway.

Today was an okay day in the eating department. I did eat a rather large brunch at around 11:30, but other than that only ate a microwaved meal in the evening and a few slices of raisin bread. I just checked the calories, and this is at the low end of what I need on a daily basis, and I’m not hungry now. Then again, overeating isn’t about hunger. I’m really hoping I can continue enjoying food without bingeing on it or overeating in general. Enjoying food and overeating are really contradictory, but I have a hard time realizing this.

The Reading Residence

Ways to Help Me Recover From Binge Eating

Thanks for all the supportive comments on my previous post. I had to cancel my dietician’s appointment yesterday because my husband would be visitng me straight out of work. Today, I celebrate one week free from binge eating. I did buy candy once this week, but managed to spread eating it out. Saw on Thursday at the dentist’s office that bingeing is better for your teeth than eating the same amount of candy spread out over a whole day, but with the speed at which I usually binge eat, I can’t imagine this being healthy for the rest of your body.

Day two of the recovery challenge asks you to list what you have done to help yourself in your recovery. Since I’m not really in recovery at this point, I’m listing the strategies recommended to me. The hard part with overeating is that you can’t just avoid the substance of abuse (in this case food) entirely, as with alcohol or drugs. You therefore need to also know what is normal eating, and that has been a challenge for me.

Now candy isn’t necessary for your body. The first recommendation I got from my dietician is therefore really teh drug abuse recovery approach applied to candy: avoiding it altogether. As I said above, this has not been successful with me – even in a week that was free from bingeing, I did eat candy. I do think I may want to try this again, however, because, you know, I just don’t really know how to moderate my eating when I have candy within reach. I get three healthy meals a day and usually snacks too provided by the institution, so yeah.

Then I tried buying candy only at one set time during the week. This was my most recent agreement with my dietician, and I’ve so far not been too successful. Yes, I’ve had weeks where I bought candy only once, but I’ve also had weeks where I bought it more often.

Related to the previous one is the idea of having set snack times during the day. I would have to be really strict with myself as to extinguish the need for instant gratification. For example, I might set 3:00 PM to 3:15 PM as snack time. Suppose I get the urge to binge at 2:00 PM. Then I would have to delay the need for gratification for an hour. My dietician said it didn’t matter what I ate as long as I didn’t go over the fifteen-minute limit. The thing is, I can eat a large bag of candies in such a timeframe.

Another possible approach is buying alternative comfort foods that are healthier. For example, bingeing on carrots won’t hurt. My dietician at one point advised against this because it’d mean food would still be on my mind all the time, but this has seemed to be the most successful approach.

of course, there are other ways to deal with the stress that causes an urge to binge. Exercise, talking it out, mindfulness, etc. I have not yet found one that truly helps, but I’m still searching. If you have any ideas, feel free to share.

The last approach, something I most recently learned of, is approaching the urge to binge as an animalistic impulse rather than as a part of yourself or as fulfilling any true need. I have not really investigated this approach, but it seems to involve learning to recognize your “animal brain” and learning to extinguish its instinct-driven responses. Seems interesting, as my mind does seem to think I’m going to starve if I don’t eat right now. That’s not literally what I think, but it does come down to it.

Week of August 11 to 17, 2014 #Mumslist

This week, Mums’ List is being hosted by Aby of You Baby Me Mummy because Hannah of Mums’ Days is on holiday. I haven’t reflected back on the week yet, so this is the perfect time to do so.

Real Life

  • Haven’t been too crafty this week. Finished a card for my mother. It was about time, because it’s an extremely late thank-you card for my birthday presents. I forgot to scan it before I put it in an envelope, so no picture, sorry. Other than that, I have only just started working on the Christmas card I said I’d make this week.

  • Received my art doll for a mixed media swap I’m in. Haven’t even started working on the one for my swap partner. The deadline isn’t until October 1.

  • Ate out twice this wek. Once, on Thursday, I took my husband to the local Chinese restaurant. I loved my gon bao chicken. On Friday, we ate out while we were shopping for jeans at a nearby wholesale store. Thankfully, I still fit in the same size I had last year – which is still three sizes above the size I always had, but well.

  • Had a horrible week re my eating habits. Binged on winegums on Friday so badly that I was sick all day yesterday. Got fries today anyway. Had binge eating episodes on two other days this week.

  • Did go to the gym on Thursday.

  • Both my computers are still working, but now my braille display is acting up.

  • Have been reading Angels at Our Table edited by Ann Breen. It’s a book of stories from families with Williams Syndrome children.

Blogging / Social Media

  • Started over with my Facebook page – again. This time, I was actually planning to stick to it, but since I hardly do photos and since WP won’t let me share posts to both my page and my profile, I really don’t know. I could seriously use some advice on what’s the point of a Facebook page and how to use it.

  • Did write not just one but two original blog posts.

  • New blog discovery: Edspire.

  • Most inspiring read: Emma’s guest post on fetal valproate syndrome for Victoria Welton’s blog. This is something I want to learn more about.

I don’t really have goals for the upcoming week, other than finally kicking binge eating’s arse. I have a dietician’s appointment on Friday and a therapy appointment on Tuesday. Will discuss the binge eating issue with my therapist – the dietician already knows.

The Five Stages of Grief in the Recovery Process from Binge Eating

When browsing blogs on mental health on Mumsnet, I came across a blog on recoveyr form alcoholism. While there, I found a post on the five stages of grief in substance abuse. You are probably familiar with Elisabeth Küber-Ross’ five stages of grief in bereavement. These same stages apply to some extent to those recovering from an addiction:

  • Denial: people feel that they do not have a problem concerning alcohol or substances. Even if they do feel as if they might have a small problem, they believe that they have complete control over the situation and can stop drinking or doing drugs whenever they want.

  • Anger at the fact that the addict has an addiction or at the fact that they can no longer use alcohol or drugs.

  • Bargaining: the stage where people are trying to convince themselves or others that they will stop substance abuse in order to get out of trouble or to gain something.

  • Depression: sadness and hopelessness, which usually happen during the withdrawal process from alcohol or drugs.

  • Acceptance, not merely as in admitting you have a problem with alcohol or drugs. Acceptance involves actively resolving the addictioon.

I do not have an alcohol or drug problem, but I do exhibit disordered eating. I wonder to what extent these stages of grief apply to the recovery process from eating disorders, in my case mostly binge eating. Denial is certainly common in individuals with all types of disordered eating. I for one was in the stage of denial up until quite recently. This is not merely not being aware of the problem, like I was in early adolescence. Rather, from my teens on, I did realize to some extent that my eating habits weren’t normal. I remember one day buying five candy bars at once and eating them all in one go. When my classmates pointed out that this was outrageous, I shifted from lack of awareness of my eating disorder into denial.

As I said, I stayed in denial for years. I continued buying sausage rolls for lunch every single day until the end of high school, then at blindness rehab ate candy and chips everyday. I gained rougly ten pounds in those four months at blindness rehab, thereby reaching the upper limit of a healthy BMI.

It took several more years before I moved into the stage of anger. By 2008, I was convinced I would die young, and my unhealthy eating habits were one reason for this. I hated myself and my body, yet didn’t stop eating unhealthy amounts of candy. If anything changed at all, I binged more.

I don’t know how I maintained a relatively healthy weight until 2012, but I did. I did start purging in 2011, which can be seen as either a response to anger or a form of bargaining. After all, bargaining can also be seen as trying to reduce the (effects of the) addiction while not completely trying to abandon it.

I reached overweight status in 2012, then obese a few months ago. I started going to a dietician in 2012, then quit going again, went back in the fall of 2013, quit again, and recently started going again. I am still at the stage of bargaining regarding my disordered eating. When told I just need to stop buying candy, I object. Instead, I want to lessen my candy consumption, keep it under control. Yet isn’t the whole point of an addiction not the substance, but the lack of control? I know that one difference between food and alcohol or drugs is that you can’t completely abandon food, and my dietician said that getting fruit or veggies within easy reach as a substitute for candy, is unlikely to work. After all, I’m going to keep the idea that food is an easy way out of emotional stress.