Tag Archives: Dependent Personality Disorder

“Pushy Parents”?: A “Pushy Adult”‘s Opinion

There has been some talk around the UK special needs blogosphere about a recent report that suggests parents may be pushing for special needs diagnoses when these are not needed. The report is poignantly called “Hooked On Labels”. It points out that many teachers feel that pushy parents are responsible for unwarranted learning or behavioral difficulty diagnoses. The report does not ask for parents’ views and did not ask anyone to quantify how many parents might be working the system to gain diagnoses their children don’t need.

I understand both sides of the issue. My father used to work at a secondary school with at the time around 1500 students. Of these, at one point, 139 had a formal dyslexia diagnosis. At the time, it was thought that only 1% of the population have dyslexia, hence suggesting a serious overdiagnosis. I just googled it and found current estimated prevalence rates as high as 17%. Assuming that reading ability runs on a bell curve, this would indicate that those only one standard deviation below the norm would be classified as dyslexic. Now I have no clue whether reading ability runs on a bell curve, but if a disability occurs in as many as 17% of the population, in my opinion, it can barely be called a disability. This means the system is failing, not the student. Either that, or parents are being pushy.

I find it interesting that parents are automatically blamed for overdiagnosis of learning or behavioral difficulties. Some teachers surveyed for the report suggested parents were working the sysstem to get accommodations for their children. Some even said perhaps parents wanted these children to enter into more competitive education which they otherwise would not have been able enough for. I do believe there may be some parents who get their children labeled with disabilities in order for them to be able to compete. However, doesn’t that mean that schools are just too focused on competition rather than individual differences? If you need a diagnosis to get your idnividual strengths and weaknesses recognized, isn’t that the problem rather than parents seeking that diagnosis?

I have always, ever since I first self-diagnosed with autism in 2002, believed that, if a child doesn’t cope, either the child has something going on or the system is screwed. I have always advocated for more individualized educational programming, but this doesn’t happen yet.

Mind you, I disapprove of parents seeking labels for their child – or adults seeking a label for themselves – just so they can get into special ed, collect disability benefits or the like. That’s not fair and if it happens, it needs to stop. This is however talking extreme examples. With how restrictive the special education and benefits systems are these days, I don’t believe many people would be able to fake themselves or their children into them. Where accommodations at home or at school are concerned, I don’t think anything is wrong with demanding them. Like I said, the need for labels to qualify for them, is the problem.

Some people see me as “working the system”, too. They don’t deny that I’m disabled – they can’t deny my blindness -, but they do deny that I’m as disabled as I claim to be. I asked for a second opinion when I was given a diagnosis that by some is perceived as meaning I misuse the system. Now dependent personality disorder is a genuine mental health condition, not willful behavior, but even my psychologist has some trouble seeing that. Treatment for DPD is not a kick in the behind to solve your own shit, but even my psychologist has some trouble seeing that, too.

In my case, the DPD diagnosis resulted from the same flawed logic that might get parents to seek learning or behavioral difficulty diagnoses for their children: the need to always have a label to explain every single need a person has. The occupational therapist from the blindness agency said my difficulty making tea wasn’t due to blindness. Another occupational therapist said it wasn’t due to motor difficulties. My psychologist assumed there are no executive functioning diffiuclties, so it wans’t due to that either. Since there needs to be some explanation, my psychologist decided to consider it a sign of dependence and to label that dependence DPD. As a side note, my husband tried to make tea with his eyes closed and it was way harder than it is with his eyes open.

I am often told that I desperately want to be different and that’s why I seek an autism diagnosis. I do see myself as different indeed, but I don’t need an autism diagnosis for that. There’s “highly sensitive”, “introverted”, “intellectually gifted”, and probably others that don’t require a shrink. I don’t even seek an autism diagnosis specifically – I seek recognition of my impairments.

Like I said, I have always felt that, if I fall through the cracks with the support I do get, either something’s wrong with me or something’s wrong with the support system. If blindness could get me the support I need, I wouldn’t have sought a mental diagnosis. For your information, it wasn’t me who sought my first autism diagnosis in 2007. They were professionals working with the blind. If I am just a lazy, unmotivated fatass who willfully misuses the system, I shouldn’t even get a DPD diagnosis – the label for that is malingering.

Back to pushy parents. It is my firm belief that there are as many parents who ask for labels their child doesn’t need, as there are parents who deny their child labels they do need. The solution to both is individualized support.

Hooked on Labels - responses & other relevant posts linky

If I’m Not Autistic, What Am I?

My psychologist removed my autism diagnosis, which I’d been first given in 2007, last summer. After a long process of negotiations, she decided to diagnose me with dependent personality disorder, borderline personality disorder traits and depressive disorder NOS. I strongly disagree particularly with the DPD label, but more importantly, I want my autism diagnosis back. I requested an independent second opinion, which I’ll be getting the first appointment for this Thursday. Just this evening, I told a leader of an autism group in the Netherlands that I’d be closing the autism chapter if the second opinion provider agreed i’m not autistic after all. Then I’d definitively consider myself, well, what? I’ve rarely used the word “allistic”, which is someone who isn’t autistic. I feel that all people with neurodevelopmental conditions essentially fall on the same spectrum. Many autistics disagree and would not allow, say, a person with ADHD into their community. Indeed, if I’m not autistic, I’m allistic, period.

There used to be some concept of “cousins” in the autistic community, which included people with other neurological or neurodevelopmental differences, such as ADHD, Tourette Syndrome or hydrocephalus. Maybe I could consider myself a “cousin”, since I was at one point diagnosed with hydrocephalus and that’s a far more hard-wired diagnosis than is autism. So I’d be an allistic cousin to the autistic comunity. The concept of “cousins”, however, is barely accepted anymore.

Besides, it’s not just about community. It’s about identity. If I’m told that after all I’m not autistic, a vital part of my identity is being destroyed. Someone compared it to losing their status as an animal lover. It’s far worse. It’s like being told I’m not blind – there is another reason I’m unable to see, but that’s not called blindness. Besides, there’s no ICD-10 or ICD-11 or where are we these days code for it. This is analogous to what my psychologist has done with respect to my autism: it isn’t there, because there is another reason I have cognitive and sensory and social-communicative difficulties, but there’s no DSM-IV code for that.

It affects services, too. If I lost my status as a blind person, I would no longer be allowed to use my white cane. I would no longer be provided with reading materials in accessible formats. I would no longer have access to services for the blind. If there’s no ICD-whatever code for explaining my lack of sight, there won’t be any other way to gain access to these accommodations or supports. I can imagine this is in part the reality for people with conversion disorder manifesting as blindness, since some service and accessible reading material providers ask for verification of the “physical basis” of one’s blindness.

If I lose my status as an autistic person and there’s no diagnosis to replace it with, I’ll not be able to access services that take into account my cognitive, sensory and social-communicative difficulties. In fact, my psychologist has already voiced her disagreement with me applying for day activities for people with traumatic or acquired brain injury. She says I have “congenital brain injury”. At least, that was her reason for removing my autism diagnosis. Since “congenital brain injury” isn’t acquired or traumatic brain injury, I won’t qualify for services for that. Since in fact “congenital brain injury” does not exist in the diagnostic handbooks, there is no help for it. It’s worse even than conversion blindness, since that can be treated somehow.

Now imagine that I, who clealry has an eye condition causing blindness, were told I had conversion blindness for lack of a better diagnosis. That’s about what it feels like being diagnosed with dependent personality disorder as a clearly neurodivergent person.

It could be worse. I could be told I’m not neurodivergent at all. This would go beyond saying I am an unfortunate case of falling between the cracks with my useless diagnosis of “congenital brain injury”. To use the blindness analogy again, this’d be like being told I am fully sighted, yet only believe I’m blind for attention, because I don’t accept my status as a short person, or whatever nonsense claim people have made as to why I erroneously believe I’m neurodivergent. This is a possible outcome of my second opinion too. After all, though I have hydrocephalus, there is no proof as per a neuropsychological evaluation that this has caused me lasting impairments. My psychologist is of this opinion to an extent and so are my parents and sister, believing I have problems because I think I do.

Back to my autism diagnosis or the lack thereof. Some people say you’re autstic if you’re autistic no matter how many professionals say you are not. They say that, if support tailored to autistics, including being part of the autistic community, works, you must be autistic. With my poor self-image, I’m not so sure this would be the case for me.

Dear Psychologist: Why I Believe I’m Autistic (And Why It Matters)

My psychologist wrote the referral letter for my second opinion last Wednesday. Because this second opinion thingy is now becoming real, I have been thinking of why I believe I’m autistic after all – and why it matters. I have tried to explain this quite a few times already, but nobody amongst my staff seems to understand. Because some of my readers just might actually get it, I’m writing it on my blog. I chose to write this in the form of an open letter to my psychologist, but I’m not sure I’ll ever consciously point it out to her.

Dear Psychologist,

You have been telling me ever since you became my responsible clinician in late 2014 that you don’t believe I’m autistic. You initially said brain injury explains my symptoms far better, but you seemed not to care. We needed to treat symptoms, not syndromes, you said. Yet last summer, you changed my diagnosis. And you changed it again. And again. You claim this was at my request. Fair enough, I told you I wasn’t happy with just a borderline personality disorder and adjustment disorder diagnosis and I wanted a second opinion. However, it was you who offered to change my diagnosis to brain injury-related personality change, apparently to avoid me getting a second opinion. I was stupid enough to go along. The further diagnostic changes were solely your responsibility.

Yes, I told you it doesn’t matter whether my diagnosis is borderline personality disorder and adjustment disorder or dependent personality disorder, BPD traits and depressive disorder NOS. To me, neither diagnosis explains why I’ve been having problems all my life. After all, personality disorders first become apparent in a person’s teens or early twenties, not when a person is a young child.

There were – or at least, there should’ve been – many signs of a developmental disability when I was young. Even things that my parents tout as signs of genius, should when combined with the signs that point to delay, signal a developmental disability. Like my ability to calendar calculate. Or my first word. It was “aircraft industry”, echoed from my grnadpa when I was ten-months-old (seven months corrected).

These are cute factoids about me. They don’t necessarily signal autism when taken alone. Then there are the signs that point to delay. I had motor skills delays, but these could be due to dyspraxia or mild cerebral palsy. My parents don’t know whether these were ever labeled as such. I was a toe-walker – still am when stressed. Though I walked on time (at fourteen-months-old), I didn’t sit or roll over without physcal therapy intervention.

My language development was quite advanced. I did reverse pronouns, but my parents say this happened only for a short while. I took many things literally growing up. I also had one word that I’d use obsessively and often out-of-context after another. The psychologist who diagnosed me with Asperger’s in late 2007 brushed this off because I couldn’t come up with examples right then. I can now, but I don’t have the energy to elaborate in English.

My social and emotional development was delayed from a young age on. Even though I didn’t have many meltdowns or temper tantrums until I was about six, I did have my problems. I couldn’t talk to children my age. I had trouble forming friendships. I was even more self-centered than any young child.

When I became aware of my differences, I started acting out. Educational psychologists blamed this on my difficulty adjusting to blindness. What if I’d become aware of my social difference then, too? Even though I didn’t start regularly having temper outbursts till I was about six, I remember head-banging and hand-biting from a younger age. I also had this crawling movement in bed that parents of other kids went to the doctor for when the children were toddlers. Well, let me tell you I did this till I was nineteen.

When I became a teen, I had many more difficulties. One could no longer blame my high IQ, because I was in a high-level high school were 30% of the students were intellectually gifted. Maybe then I did it all because I’m blind, even though no-one at the school for the blind had displayed these behaviors either. Or maybe I was precocious for developing a personality disorder. I guess your logic would go like this.

I could give you dozens more examples of why I believe I’m autistic. I have been thinking on these for the last few days. Many, however, are just too embarrassing to go on my blog.

My parents may not be involved with my care now, but you never asked them participate in a developmental interview. Not that I’d want you to do an autism assessment on me, after all the flawed arguments you’ve spun. You won’t believe that someone with hydrocephalus can be autistic, even though there’s plenty of literature showing that they can. You won’t believe that preemies are more likely to develop autism than children born full-term. I even didn’t bother correcting you when you wrote in my referral letter that I had had a stroke. News flash: an intraventricular hemorrhage, which is the most likely cause of my hydrocephalus but was never ascertained, is not a stroke. I don’t expect you, a psychologist, to know the difference, but then at least stop basing your diagnosis on it.

But you’ll say we should look at symptoms, not syndromes. You’ll say it doesn’t matter for my care whether I’m diagnosed with brain injury, even if it isn’t in my DSM-IV classification, autism or a personality disorder. To be honest, the main reason this whole diagnosis thing is important to me, isn’t care. It’s understanding. I need recognition of my struggles. I need to know I’m not the only one. As much as you hate this, I need something I can google and join support groups for. I’m tired of shooting in the darkness. Granted, care matters too. Personality disorder patients have far fewer self-care problems than autistics and warrant a totally different approach. I wouldn’t mind that approach if it turly worked for me, but it doesn’t. However, I don’t mind having a personality disorder diagnosis along with autism – I had one for nearly three years.

You won’t understand a thing about autistic culture. I won’t explain. I don’t have the spoons for that. (Google the spoon theory if you want to know what I mean, if you even care.) Suffice it to say that autism is not just a disorder – it’s an identity. It’s something, unlike brain injury, that is part of us before we’re old enough to realize it. It’s not a disease – it’s a part of who I am.

Hannah Spannah

Diagnonsense, Oh Diagnonsense!

A few months ago, I wrote about my changing diagnosis. My autism diagnosis that’s been confirmed three times since 2007, was removed. That left me with just borderline personality disorder (BPD) as a diagnosis. If you thought I gracefully accepted this, you do not know me. I consulted with the patient liaison person at my institution, who recommended I seek a second opinion at another hospital. Now, three months on and we’re back at square one, and it’s not because an independent provider agreed with my psychologist.

On August 15, I talked to the patient liaison person, who on that same day E-mailed my psychologist asking her to make the necessary arrangements for me to get a second opinion. Instead, my psychologist told me she wanted to contact a psychiatrist at the brain injury unit first to inquire about the diagnosis of autism in people with brain injury. This doctor told her that indeed autism shouldn’t be diagnosed in people with brain injury, but the same is true of BPD. My psychologist would need to diagnose personality change due to a general medical conditon instead. I stupidly agreed with her changing my diagnosis herself rather than sending me to an independent psychiatrist or clinical psychologist.

My psychiatrist, who is the head clinician responsible for my care, however, disagreed with my psychologist’s diagnosis. My named nurse said they were throwing around all sorts of diagnoses at my treatment plan meeting last month. Eventually, my psychologist informed me they’d settled on dependent personality disorder, borderline personality disorder traits and a developmental disorder NOS. I hate the DPD label, but can see how I might have some of its features. I needed to see my treatment plan to see what they’d meant with developmental disorder NOS, which isn’t a diagnostic code in DSM-IV unless prefixed by “pervasive”. That would essentially mean autism. As it turned out, they hadn’t settled on this diagnosis, as the developmental disorder was gone.

Instead, I now have DPD, BPD traits and depressive disorder NOS. I asked my psychologist whether this was a coding typeo, but it wasn’t. Her explanation was that I may formally meet the criteria for this, but the main reason for the diagnosis is for insurance purposes. You see, I can’t be in the mental hospital without a diagnosis on axis I (anything that isn’t a personality disorder). A nurse even twisted my psychologist’s actions like she’d done me a favor.

Last week, when I found out my final diagnosis, I lost it pretty much and was considering checking myself out of the institution. My psychologist was called, because the nurses thought I said I was definitely leaving, which I can’t remember having said. My psychologist encouraged me to leave right then, which I refused. My husband instead came to pick me up thee nxt day for a night at home to have some distance.

Today, I spoke to the patient liaison person again. She was not happy at the fact that my psychologist had failed to cooperate with me in getting me a second opinion. This essentially means we’re back at where we started and I’m probably going to ask my psychologist to get me a second opinion again soon.

Fear of Demands

I admit it, I have a fear of demands. I originally wrote that I have a fear of independence. In fact, I thought for a while that I may have dependent personality disorder. People with DPD have a pathological need to be taken care of. They can’t make everyday decisions without a lot of counsel, need others to take full responsibility for the bigger decisions in their life, and may even stay in abusive relationships out of fear of losing someone to take care of them. They appear incredibly easy on therapists at first, agreeing with their every counsel. On a deper level though, this is just a way of maintaining the care relationship.

I still believe I have some traits of DPD, but this last bit is where I realized dependence may not be the core of things. I am not easy on a therapist at all. In fact, I remember being seen as very defiant when I was on a locked unit in 2007 and 2008.

I do have a fear of practical independence, I admit. Then again, it’s more a fear of other people taking contorl over what I can and can’t do practically. I’d love in fact to have full control over deciding what I can and can’t do independently. My fear is not of doing things independently myself, but of other people deciding I can do them independently.

This is where pathological demand avoidance enters the picture. PDA is a conditon along the autism spectrum in which people have a persistent anxiety of direct demands placed on them. They often appear defiant, but underneath this is a deep fear. It could be fear of failure in some ways, but it’s more.

There is an interesting aspect to my fear of doing things independently, and that’s that I can do them fine when no-one’s watching me. Also, when I take the initiative to do things independently I can do them much better than when others tell me to do them. I remember E-mailing around for a therapist to treat my dissociation in 2012 and I had no problem doing it. (I stll had anxiety about it, of course, but that’s more fear of the response.) I called the social consultant and client advocacy organization last week and was fine. On the other hand, when someone asks me to make a phone call or E-mal someone, it’s much harder for me. I also took the initiative to go live with my husband. Then, when my staff took away my control over it and demanded I show certain capabilities if I wanted to live with him, I backed away.

Unfortunately, the care system is built on the premise that psychiatric patients just need a little pushing to do things independently. Despite the rehabilitation and recovery models, which I applaud, people are only allowed to take control if they’ve shown their competence first. I cannot do this. It scares the crap out of me. I want recovery without having to prove myself. Hopefully, I’ll be able to accomplish this when I live with my husband.

Linking up with Finish the Sentence Friday. A little late, i know. The prompt sentence was: “One of the biggest fears that I’ve ever had to face…”.

Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) #Write31Days

31 Days of Mental Health

Welcome to day 17 in my #Write31Days challenge on mental health. Today, I’m continuing to write about personality disorders in cluster C. I’ll focus on dependent personality disorder (DPD). When I was about eighteen, I suspected I might have some features of this condition. (Then again, I suspected I was diagnosable with about half the DSM at the time.) I still relate to it, but it’s never been suggested that I have DPD.

Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of. This leads to submissive and clingy behavior and fear of separation. People with DPD meet at least five of the following criteria:


  1. Has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others.

  2. Needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life.

  3. Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval. Note: Do not include realistic fears of retribution.
  4.  
  5. Has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy).

  6. Goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant.

  7. Feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself.

  8. Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends.

  9. Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself.


DPD shows overlap with borderline personality disorder in the fear of abandonment. It also shows overlap with avoidant personality disorder in the sufferer’s anxious and self-critical tendencies. However, people with DPD doubt their ability to do things on their own, whereas people with AvPD doubt their ability to succeed in social situations.

One of the characteristics of dependent personality disorder is urgently seeking another relationship when one ends. Another is volunteering to do unpleasant things in order to stay in a relationship in which one is taken care of. The combination of these traits may lead DPD sufferers into codependent relationships with abusers or addicts. However, the dynamic of codependency may also produce behaviors similar to DPD in people who are otherwise healthy.

What Are Personality Disorders? #Write31Days

31 Days of Mental Health

Welcome to day 10 in the #Write31Days challenge on mental health. Today, I will discuss the broad category of disorders I’ve been diagnosed with: personality disorders. Though there is some debate as to whether borderline personality disorder should be conceptualized as a personality disorder, it currently is.

A personality disorder is a pervasive pattern of dysfunctional thought, behavior and emotion that is stable across time and across situations. It is out of line with cultural expectations and causes distress or impairment. It usually emerges in early adulthood, though adolescents may be diagnosed as being at risk for developing a personality disorder. In fact. when I attended a conference on BPD in 2013, a psychiatrist specializing in this said that BPD can be reliably diagnosed from age sixteen on. In other disorders, such as antisocial personality disorder, there is a specific age requirement of being over eighteen.

The Diagnostic and Statisticla Manual of Mental Disorders, both DSM-IV and DSM-5, divides specific personality disorders into three subcategories, called clusters. These are:


  • Cluster A includes paranoid, schizoid and schizotypal personality disorders. Individuals exhibiting these disorders often appear odd or eccentric. The disorders in this cluster can precede schizophrenia. I tend to think of cluster A personality disorders as “psychosis light”.

  • Cluster B includes antisocial, narcissistic, borderline and histrionic personality disorders. Individuals with disorders in this cluster are often seen as dramatic, emotional or erratic. People with cluster B personality disorders are often perceived as among the most difficult people to get along with. When peope think of personality disorders in general, they mostly mean cluster B disorders. The same goes for treatment programs focused on personality disorders.

  • Cluster C includes avoidant, dependent and obsessive-compulsive personality disorders. Individuals with cluster C personality disorders tend to be anxious or fearful.


In DSM-5, it is stated clearly that the clustering of personality disorders, while it has some merit, may not be very useful in clinical practice. After all, many people exhibit traits of personality disorders across clusters. When a person has features of more than one personality disorder but doesn’t teet the full criteria of any, they may be diagnosed with an unspecified personality disorder. People with other specified personality disorder display behavior that is seen as a personality disorder but isn’t listed specifically in DSM-5. Examples include passive-aggressive and self-defeating personality disorder.

There are some clear gender differences in how commonly personality disorders occur. Antisocial personality disorder occurs far more often in males than females. Borderline, histrionic and dependent personality disorder occur more in females. Though this may reflect real gender differences, it is also likely that stereotypical views shape clinicians’ diagnoses. For example, I once read that BPD is really about as common in males as in females but is overdiagnosed in women and underdiagnosed in men. Women misdiagnosed with BPD are often later found to have ADHD, which interestingly used to be seen as a typical male disorder.

diagnosticians always need to be aware of a patient’s cultural background and life history. After all, in some cultures, behavior that is seen as disordered in the western world may be normal. People who experienced extreme stress or trauma may also exhibit long-lasting dysfunctional behavior patterns and be misdiagnosed with personality disorders when they really have PTSD. Veterans are disproportionately often diagnosed with personality disorders, for example.