Tag Archives: Citalopram

What I’ve Been Up To Lately

I’ve been meaning to write a lot lately, but I didn’t. All that I started on were random ramblings that I didn’t finish. Today, I’m writing down these random ramblings in a kind of list, in hopes of finally finishing this post.

First, I had movement therpay on Tuesday. It was good in some ways but not good in a sense too. I dissociated a lot. Like the last time I had movement therapy, a part of me came out. This is good, in that it allowed me to express myself in a way I otherwise can’t. However, since my parts are not fully accepted by my mental health team, I’m not sure whether I’ll be taken out of movement therapy for it “not helping”.

Second, on Tuesday evening, my mother sent me and my sister a text message that she and my father were at my paternal grandma’s. She is being kept asleep for pain control and will soon die. This is terribly sad. I mean, yes, she’s 94 and in a lot of pain in addition to having long suffered significant cognitive decline. However, I cherish my grandma greatly. She was an official witness at my wedding in 2011. This was in th eearly stages of her cognitive decline, when she was still just able enough to fulfill this role. I am so glad I had her for this role, as I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my parents or sister at the time, so didn’t want to ask them.

Third, I started at yet another increased dose of citalopram last Monday. I told my psychiatrist on Friday what I’d written down here and she concluded that the medication is helping some but not enough, so she increased it to 40mg a day.

Fourth, yesterday I reached the recomended daily step goal of 10,000 steps despite the hot weather. This is only the second time since I bought my Fitbit activity tracker last February.

Fifth, I’ve been reading some good books lately. I finally finshed Angels with Dirty Faces by Casey Watson, a collection of five previously published mini eBooks. I may post a review soon. On Tuesday, I bought my first Kindle eBook. I wasn’t 100% sure whether it’d work with my screen reader, since it wasn’t mentioned explicitly that it would, but it did. It’s What Every Autistic Girl Wishes Her Parents Knew by the Autism Women’s Network. So far, I’m really enjoying this book.

Increase in My Antidepressant Dose: Is It Working?

Tomorrow, I will see my psychiatrist for a medication review. Last month, the dose of my citalopram, an SSRI antidepressant, was increased. Do I truly feel it helps?

When I started on the higher dose of citalopram, I had no idea what to expect. I’d originally been prescribed this medication in September of 2010 and had never had its effecacy evaluated. I seem to remember I was put on citalopram after the dose of my Abilify had been increased twice in a few months’ time and I was still very irritable. Abilify is an atypical antipsychotic commonly used for irritability and emotional dysregulation of all kinds. Citalopram is primarily used for depression and anxiety, but it can also help with emotional dysregulation, or so I seem to remember my psychiatrist having said.

Even before I started on my higher dose of citalopram, my mood started to lift a little, possibly because of anticipation. Once I started on the higher dose, my mood remained relatively good for a short time. Things were looking up in the day activities department, so that also helped.

One thing I have clearly been noticing, is that I’m more active. I have less need for sleep during the day. I am also a little more motivated and inspired to get things done. Though I obviously did’t complete the #AtoZChallenge, I did write far more regularly on this blog last month than i’d done in almost two years before.

Another positive that I’ve noticed is that I am more able to keep myself from engaging in self-destructive behavior. I do still have urges, but I’m more able to reach out for help first.

Though these are all very positive changes, I must say that if I’m truly honest, my depressed mood is still the same if not worse. Same for my irritability. I still experience this feeling as though a heavy weight is on my shoulders. I still get agitated very easily. I still experience suicidal thoughts.

Then again, these are most likely more symptoms of emotional regulation issues rather than major depression. Unfortunately, there’s no medication that targets these specifically. I won’t have my first appointment with my new treatment coordinator till the 17th, and I assume we won’t be diving back into dialetical behavior therapy right then. I try to use the skills I’m learning through self-help groups and apps, but it’s all rather hard.