Tag Archives: Achievements

My Achievements in 2016

The year 2016 is almost over and I feel pretty disappointed. It should’ve been the year in which I finally left the mental institution, but I didn’t. I mean, I’ve been resolving to leave the hospital every single year since 2008, but this time I thought I was so close. It’s even worse, because I get blamed for not having achieved this goal. My psychologist tells me I never want to leave and that I try every single trick to delay my discharge. This to her proves my dependent personalty disorder. Well, it wasn’t me who took four months to come up with that diagnosis. It wasn’t me who still hasn’t referred me to outpatient treatment and it wasn’t because for whatever reason I blocked this – I didn’t.

In many other ways, this year has been a disappointment. Still, I need to focus on the things that I did achieve in 2016. They may not feel important to me at this point, but that is only a matter of perspective.

1. I have not been in seclusion all year. I tend to think that, because I’m supposed to leave and there’s no seclusion outside of the institution, staff are less likely to ask me to go into seclusion. There is likely some truth to this, but I also have been acting out much less over the past year than I used to. It isn’t over yet – I broke a mug and self-injured only a few days ago. It’s better though.

2. My daily medication has been stable all year. I did finally get a prescription for a benzodiazepine to use at most twice a week as-needed. I hardly need it though.

3. I managed to binge eat less than I did last year. Though I resolved to get my BMI under 30 and this was a massive fail, my weight remained stable over the year.

4. We got an elliptical trainer at home. Though I didn’t use it as regularly as I’d have liked, I enjoyed exercsing when I did.

5. I found a craft that I enjoy. This is one of my biggest wins of 2016. Though I don’t make soap or skin care products as regularly as I intended to anymore, half a year in I still enjoy the craft. I also finally felt confident enough to make soaps and skin care products for other people. I never quite felt as self-confident about my other crafts. Recently, I experienced some setbacks, in that a few soaps I made over the past few weeks turned out worse than even my first soaps. However, I’m not about to give up (yet).

6. I didn’t give up blogging, even though I was tempted. I kept up one Dutch blog from early June until now, although December was a bad month. Consistent with more posts here, as always, my posting on there declined. I’m not about to give up eithehr blog though.

In short, my theme for 2016 has been “persevere”. I faced many setbacks and disappointments, but I didn’t give up. I hope that 2017 will be better than 2016, but if it isn’t, I hope I will keep on persevering.

You Baby Me Mummy

Ten Achievements of the Past Decade

Today in Blog Everyday in May, the prompt is to list ten achievements of the past ten years. Now I already did my 28 Before 28 post in February, so it’s an extra challenge not to repeat myself. I am just going to write, and if I don’t get to ten, well, screw it.

1. Graduated from high school. This happened just shy of a decade ago. I am not particularly proud of myself for graduating, probably because my parents were super over the top proud of me and I still can’t let go of a little parent-defying. I forgot most of what I learned in high school anyway.

2. Learned to clean and cook semi-independently. I went to an independence training home for the disabled in 2006 and 2007, where I learned many skilsl ncessary for independent living. I lost most of these skills again, but the fact that I learned them once, makes me confident that I can relearn them.

3. Overcame a mental crisis. It surprises me that, in the 28 Before 28 list, though I did include my diagnoses, I didn’t include the actual achievement of overcoming the darkest of aspects of mental illness. In all honesty, and I hope this doesn’t get me kicked out of care before I’m ready, I can say I’m much better able to cope than I was back when I was first hospitalized in 2007.

4. Finished two Open University psychology courses with a passing grade. IN 28 Before 28, I did mention that I took five courses in total, but the achievement of passing two of them in 2009 was largely overshadowed by the fact of the three that I didn’t pass.

5. Was able to let go of some of the darker trauma-based emotions and perceptions. As regular readers might know, I’m a childhood trauma survivor, which largely came to the surface when I was at my old rehabilitation unit in 2010. Though I got no evidence-based treatment for PTSD or dissociation, through a lot of talking and some work done on my own, I overcame most of the classic PTSD symptoms. I still have attachment issues, emotion regulation difficulties, etc., but I am confident that I will overcome the debilitating effects of these too.

6. Got married. I don’t usually credit myself for our relationship success, but then again it’s a mutual effort I guess, so I should deserve half the credit. If not, then well, I’m still happy I got married, so this fact still belongs here!

7. Started and restarted yoga. I took yoga classes in 2009 or 2010, but eventually quit because the emotions it brought on were too overwhelming. I recetnly restarted and am becoming quite successful at basic poses and exercises.

8. Was able to participate in group recreational therapy. In my old institution, I used to get individual day activities only. Due to budget cuts, I couldn’t get these for a long while in my current institution so I tried the day activity group. It’s still quite hard, but I can at least usually keep up.

9. Was able to enter the recovery stage with regards to my eating disorder. That is, I comletely stopped purging and recently was able to reduce my binge eating significantly too. I gained lots of weight in the past decade and have only started losing it again little by little over the past couple of months, but at least I’m improving. I also haven’t self-harmed in a few months, but that has not been a conscious effort as much.

10. Am generally much happier than I was ten years ago. This pretty much sums up all of my achievements. I didn’t earn the Ph.D. or get the high-profile job I thought I envisioned for myself ten years ago, but so what? I’m generaly less angry, less hostile and also less anxious than I was in 2005. I’m still not the shiniest example of positivity on the planet, but I’m trying to keep a positive outlook, and that’s what matters!

Found Love. Now What?
The List

28 Before 28

It’s been a while since I wrote on this blog. I started up a Dutch blog again, and this time I hope that neither this blog nor the Dutch one suffers from my having two blogs. The reason I didn’t post for a while has nothing to do with the Dutch blog though. It’s to do with the fact that my braille display needed repairing and they took it into the shops for repairs rather than trying to fix the thing while I waited. This originally meant, or so I thought, that I couldn’t use the computer at all. Thankfully, I figured out the text-to-speech functionality and could do some Facebooking and blogging in Dutch. The synthesizer doesn’t do English though, so blogging here was out.

Even though I had over a week without blogging, I didn’t get lots of inspiration, because I couldn’t read the mostly English-language posts I usually get my inspiration from. I am determined to write though, so I’m going with Ginny Marie’s spin cycle prompt. The prompt is “28 things”. I originally thought about taking the easy way out and writing 28 random facts about myself, but then I realized I am 28 right now. Therefore, I choose to write 28 things I did before turning 28. Not all of these are truly achievements I made, but oh well.


  1. Went to three different elementary schools and two secondary schools. Graduated high school in 2005.

  2. Learned three foreign languages (English, German and French) and Latin. Forgot all but English and a tiny bit of German.

  3. Taught myself calendar calculation.

  4. Went to a school prom. Once or maybe even twice.

  5. Had crushes on only three different people. All of them were unapproachable. I don’t know whether I could even call what I feel for my husband a crush.

  6. Went to college and university. I attended college for a year and university for all of two months.

  7. Took five college courses in psychology. Passed two, failed one and never took the test for two.

  8. Lived on my own. For three months, but I did it!

  9. Got married.

  10. Lived in four different cities/towns, three of which are in the province of Gelderland.

  11. Rented an apartment with my husband.

  12. Got two cats.

  13. Traveled to France, Germany, England, Switzerland, Italy and Russia.

  14. Had eight major surgeries, seven of which I had before the age of nine. The eighth was my eye surgery in 2013.

  15. Got my wisdom teeth and had them out.

  16. Was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, borderline personality disorder and a host of other psychiatric conditons that I got dediagnosed with again.

  17. Was on at least a dozen different medications, ten of which were psychiatric medications.

  18. Had at least a dozen online journals and blogs.

  19. Was the owner for four or five Yahoo! E-mail groups and one Facebook group. None of them are currently active. Created another (also inactive) Facebook group and became a co-admin for a Yahoo! group and a Facebook group that are both active at age 28.

  20. Wrote a resume. Once. Because it was a college requirement.

  21. Spoke to two members of parliament in person. One came to my high school and the other came to the blindness rehabiliation center. Both were from the Christian party.

  22. Was a member of the Socialist Party.

  23. Voted for them only once and voted for two other parties, both on the left of the political spectrum.

  24. Participated in two debating contests representing my high school.

  25. Was a member of a children’s choir even though I cannot sing to save my life.

  26. Owned the DSM-5, the current edition of the psychiatric manual, even though it’s not in use in the Netherlands yet. Read most of it.

  27. Had twelve computers, three braille displays (and got my fourth one just after my 28th birthday) and four mobile phones. All of my computers were laptops and none of my cellphones were smartphones.

  28. Attempted to write my autobiography at least half a dozen times.