Category Archives: Gender and Sexuality

31 Days of Autism Landing Page #Write31Days

Welcome to my #Write31Days for 2017. I’ve not written regularly on this blog, or any blog, in almost 1 1/2 years. With #Write31Days, I’m attempting to change that. For those who don’t know, I participated in this challenge in 2015 on the theme of mental health. It’s a challenge where bloggers write a post every single day for the motnth of October. As such, it’s quite a huge challenge to take on for me – going from four posts a month or so to 31. Please all send positive vibes and have your fingers and toes crossed that it’ll work out – and hopefully give me a boost to blog again more regularly for the months after October.

For this year’s theme, I have picked “autism”. I know, I chose this for the #AtoZChallenge in April and failed, but I didn’t have a diagnosis back then to give me a reason to persevere. I do now. I mean, I know self-diagnosis is valid and, besides, I was formally diagnosed three times before. I had however internalized a lot of prejudice. Since this was the main reason for my not sticking to the #AtoZChallenge, maybe #rite31Days will be more of a success. I hope so.

In 2015, I wrote mostly infmrational posts on topics related to mental health, such as personality disorders. Though I will share the odd informational post in this year’s #Write31Days, I will mostly focus on my own lived experience as an autistic person. I will mostly pick my topics from the 30 Days of Autism Acceptance challenge. There are 32 topics in the challenge, since day 9 and 10 have two topics to choose from. Since I already wrote several posts based on this challenge though, I’ll have to be a little inventive too.

This is my #Write31Days landing page, where I’ll link to each day’s post so you can easily see them in one place. Enjoy.

Breastfeeding in Public: It’s a Women’s Right

I follow a fair number of Mom bloggers, both through my feed reader and on Twitter. I also participate in a number of online blog and Twitter events. Through one, I got to know Jen from Liv, Laugh, Love. I found her through a Twitter follow thread on Facebook, and we were asked to engage with the particcipating tweeps. This could be as simple as retweeting some of their tweets, which I did with some, but it could also be starting real conversation. Jen’s first tweet I came across mentioned her blog post on public breastfeeding. Jen is a passionate breastfeeding advocate. I am not, and yet I wholeheartedly agree with her point in this post.

I don’t honestly think that “breast is best”. For some, it is, but other mothers cannot breastfeed due to taking certain medications, not being able to nurse a baby for whatever reason, etc. Still others choose not to breastfeed, and that’s fine with me too. There is probably research backing both sides of the breastfeeding/formula debate.

That being said, this post is about whether women are allowed to breastfeed in public, and my answer is a resounding “YES”. It’s not about whether breast milk is better than formula. It’s about whether women should be allowed to expose their boobs. And I would say as general rule they should.

I can see why exposure of some body parts would not be allowed. Genitalia, notably. Still, this is more to do with the nature of the exposure than the nature of the body part. If a person exposes their genitalia, it’s usually to shock other people. When a woman shoves her breasts in someone’s face so to speak, same. That is sexual harassment. However, breastfeeding in public isn’t intended to shock others. It merely serves the purpose of breastfeeding.

Also, of course, men expose their chests all the time, but that’s not a problem because they don’t have breasts, I suppose. This may sound logical, but in reality, women are just held to a higher standard of cover-up than men. A fomrer fellow patient was one day caught wearing only underwear and a T-shirt. The others commented that, had she been male, it would’ve been acceptable. Why? I believe male genitalia get more exposed when covered only by underwear than female genitalia. The only thing I can make of it is that women are not supposed to expose themselves, while men can go pretty far before their self-exposure is seen as indecent.

Pink Is a Color

There’s a lot of pooha against girls wearing pink lately. Apparently, dressing girls in pink is limiting their future success. Blimey. As the author of Parenting Highs and Lows says, pink is a color. No feminist in their right mind would say that having black skin limits people’s future success, even though in our still pretty racist society, it does. And I know you can change what clothes you wear and not what color your skin is, but so what?

In my opinion, firstly, this is holding girls and women accoutnable for the stereotypes created by society. When I was still active in feminist circles, I learned that making the minority feel responsible for defeating society’s steretotypes, is discrimination. Besides, if girls should not wear pink because it limits their future success, this is only perpetuating the idea that girls wearing pink should not be successful. This is ultimately counterproductive.

I haven’t even touched on what it is that girls are being unsuccessful in when they’ve been wearing pink. It is said to be limiting their careers. As if the only successful women are those who have a career outside the home. This is the mostly male, White, able-bodied society’s norm of success, and women’s rights include the right not to conform to this norm. The so-called feminists who are encouraging people to stop dressing girls in pink because it limits their ability to conform to the societal notion of success, are merely perpetuating the stereotypes they’re meaning to defeat.

Now I for one am not a big fan of pink. I never quite liked the color. I also do not agree with the idea that girls should wear pink, or that real girls or boys wear any color or even sort of clothes in particular. That’s stereotypical. People of any gender should be allowed to wear whatever they want, and if that is perceived to limit their ability to do whatever they want in life, that’s discrimination. Blaming the person being discriminated against, is allowing the discrimination to continue.

Can Gender Identity and Sexuality Be Fluid?

Two weeks after I was hospitalized, my parents cameto the psychiatric hospital to speak to my doctor. They said that I wanted to be different in all sorts of ways, and one of hteir reasons of thinkign so wast hat I used to identify as lesbian. I wasn’t sure at the time whaht sexual orientation I identified with, and still am not, but it’s a fact that I’m now married in a heterosexual relationship.

Can sexual orientation and gender identity be fluid? I think so. That is not to say that it isn’t static for some, or that it can or should be changed from the outside, but like in my own case. I was in love – or what I thought of as being in love – with some girls first in the eighth or ninth grade, then in eleventh grade fell in love )or again, what I thought to be falling in love) with a boy, now am married to a man. Does this mean I was never a lesbian? Does it mean I am bisexual, bicurious, pansexual, or heterosexual posing as queer for the sake of beign different? Does it really mater? I’m happily married, so isn’t that the thing that counts?

In a society that fully accepts variations of gender identity and sexual orientation, we would be allowed to shift along the spectrum. We wouldn’t even need labels for our identities except in the sense that we needed to identify who we’re attracted to on dating sites. I guess we’ll not get to this point anytime soon, but I don’t think queer people are to blame for apparntly alienating themselves. HOneslty, I feel that if society isn’t fully accepting of the whole spectrum of experience, it’s not all that strange that queer people feel different, because, after all, they are.