Children: On Being Childless Sort Of by Choice #AtoZChallenge

Welcome to day 3 in the #AtoZChallenge 2018, in which I share random reflections. Today, for my letter C post, I’m going to write about children – or the lack thereof. YOu see, I am childless sort of by choice. Want to know more? Read on.

As regular readers of this blog will know, I have multiple disabilities. I am blind, autistic and mentally ill, among other things. Any one of these disabilities would’ve been grounds for involuntary sterilization had I lived some forty years ago. Even now, it may be relatively easy for me to get sterilized should I so choose. After all, many people are still of the opinion that certain people with disabilities shouldn’t have children.

Now I should be politically correct and say I strongly disagree with this stance. However, with regards to my own personal situation, I don’t. I can see why I wouldn’t be fit to be a parent and the reasons are not entirely unrelated to my disabilities.

I never really had any sort of strong “Mommy feelings”. That being said, as a child and teen, I always thought I’d have children when I’d grow up. It probably was society’s expectations that planted this idea in my head, as I never quite imagined how lovely it would be to hold a wee little baby, or how I’d ooh and aah at my four-year-old’s clay sculpture.

As a child, I obviously couldn’t believe why people didn’t like children. I was a child and I liked myself. Besides, everyone has been a child at some point, so how could they not like children? Now that I’m an adult though, I don’t particularly like children. I don’t hate them either, but I don’t feel I should be having one or more myself.

Society’s expectations do not get unnoticed by me though. This I think is the main reason I’m still not entirely happy with my choice not to ever try for a child. I also sometimes wish I would be a good mother, but to be honest, I can’t be.

As such, I find myself inbetween the childless not by choice and the childfree/childless by choice communities. I am childless by choice, but I a not really happy woth this choice.


5 thoughts on “Children: On Being Childless Sort Of by Choice #AtoZChallenge

  1. There are plenty of people in the world without disabilities who should not have children. The fact you are aware of your abilities and that this would restrict your ability to be a parent means you are a lot smarter than many. Thank you for a frank and open post Astrid.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand your point of view and mine is pretty much the same. I am single and don’t think it’ll change in the near future, but, as long as something major won’t change my decision, I also don’t plan to have children in future. Sometimes I talk about it with people and they automatically assume it’s because of my disability or more exactly because of my view that blind/mentally ill people shouldn’t have children. It’s not true at all, I know so many great parents, who do their best for their kids, and have some sort of disability. But I, as you, simply don’t think I’d make a good mummy, the more that I”ve never particularly liked many other children than my sis and don’t have patience for them, nor the necessary independence to take care for them appropriately. Plus one thing I’m afraid of is that I know my child could be born intellectually disabled due to my unstabilised hypothyroidism and that’s the challenge I definitely don’t feel competent enough for. So I guess our situations are quite similar. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are being very honest. I admire you for that. I am childless too but not by choice. I have no ovaries so cant have kids even though I wanted to and I am also lesbian so…yeah, makes it hard to have kids too unless I adopted or fostered and probably I cant due to being mentally ill. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry about that. Well here in the Netherlands, even if you’re just blind with no mental health issues, you are not allowed to foster or adopt.


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