Considering Getting a Psychiatrist’s Appointment on My Depressed Mood

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my community psychiatric nurse (CPN). Part of our appointment will likely be about where to go from here regarding day activities. My CPN already E-mailed me that she’d contacted the Center for Consultation and Expertise. They will hopefully take on my case and help me and my staff assess my needs. That will hopefully help us find a new place or get me the right support at my current place.

I also intend to ask her to get me an appointment with my psychiatrist. I feel too embarrassed to schedule one through the secretary. It’s been 3 1/2 months since my last appointment, so in that sense I could request one just for a catch-up. However, I want to discuss something specific with the psychiatrist and I feel incredibly ashamed of it. I’m finally coming to the conclusion that my depression symptoms are getting worse and to a point where I don’t know how to handle them anymore.

I was more or less by chance diagnosed with major depression last year. This came to light when I had my autism-related independent assessment. I had to fill out a screening tool for depression as part of the intake procedure. I scored as severe on that one. I was then evaluated further and was diagnosed with recurrent moderate depression. Because this was an independent assessment, my psychiatrist isn’t affiliated with this hospital and doesn’t need to take over the diagnosis. I don’t know whether she has.

I do take an antidepressant and have since 2010. Same medication, same dose all these years with no med review whatsoever. I don’t even know for sure why I was put on this medication, except that my Abilify (an antipsychotic) had been increased twice in a few months and I was still irritable.

This is the main reason I feel embarrassed about asking my psychiatrist to evaluate my mood. I mean, irritability bothers other people and ttat’s always been the main reason I was in care. Like, in 2007, when I was admitted to the mental hospital, it was really because of suicidal ideation but my staff always said it was because I’d been having public meltdowns.

I don’t know whether I truly believe that psychiatry’s job is to keep people, or me specifically, from being a pain in other people’s asses. I don’t think it should be. However, I’m rather afraid that my psychiatrist thinks so at least in my case. I’m not exactly sure why, as so far she’s been pretty understanding. I guess they may be left over feelings from all these years being treated like a cumbersome waste of resources.

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

11 thoughts on “Considering Getting a Psychiatrist’s Appointment on My Depressed Mood

  1. I sometimes get periods of irritability that are very clearly related to my depression. To heck with how it affects other people; what I care about is that it’s a sign my depression isn’t managed well enough,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for being so open about your struggles. I am a mental health professional, and I don’t believe it is my job to “keep people from being a pain in other people’s asses.” Rather, I see my role as a therapist is to provide an accepting space for clients to explore change, without fear of judgement from me.
    Unfortunately, feeling “cumbersome” is often a symptom of depression that can get in the way of appreciating your true value as a human being. I applaud you for not letting that stop you from seeking help.

    Good luck with your appointment tomorrow.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, that’s wonderful that you see your job this way! I’ve met too many mental health professionals who do seem to see their job as keeping people from being a pain to other people. It could be because I was institutionalized for 9 1/2 years and in institutions, many people are judged to be a danger to themselves or others. I have met only a few professionals who were truly (as much as possible) non-judgmental in their encouragement of people’s process of changing.


  3. I hope your appointment goes well. If you are as open with your doctor as you are here, you should be fine. I know it can be daunting to call and make the appointment. It can feel like you are being a pain in the ass if you go in too frequently, but that is not the truth. At the moment I see my psychiatrist at once every six weeks, and my psychologist at least monthly. You have to do what you have to do. The fact that you are being as open as you are is awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi, I too have struggled with mental health and think it’s very good of you to so openly write about it. Not enough people do. I’ve just come across your blog through the linky but it couldn’t have been a more relevant post for me to read. I hope your appointment goes well, keep up the good work. Amy ❤ #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Mental health is very hard to talk about so thank you for being open and sharing. I really hope that the psychiatrist listens and puts your needs first. I’m surprised they haven’t had a med review in so long as there are a lot of options out there and it can take a long time to find the right one. I would definitely mention that. #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I implore you to be as honest and open in your appointment as you are here. In fact, if that frightens you, you can even just share this post with your doc, so they can understand more directly what may be underlying for you. You deserve to feel better. Take your space and claim it! #kcacols xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I hope your appointment goes well. We all need to be able to talk more openly about mental health so good on you for being so open and honest, and never think you’re being a pain the professionals are there to help. #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I really hope your appointment goes well and you get to discuss everything you need to. It sounds like you can be very open with your struggles and I hope you find the treatment to help you how you need it. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time

    Liked by 1 person

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