It is often hard to see how far we’ve come on our journeys in life until we look back at where we came from. I am no exception to this. I tend to feel that I’m not improving in my coping with my mental health issues. There’s still this hurricane in my mind, after all. It is also hard because, whenever I seem to improve in my behavior, people’s expectations rise even higher. To shed light on the positive changes I’ve made on my journey through life with mental illness, today I will write a timeline of events related to my mental health.
2007: I was hospitalized on the acute ward on November 3 of this year. I was not allowed to leave the ward without someone accompanying me. For the first few days, I even had to have a nurse accompany me. After those first few days, any adult could accompany me, but they had to sometimes assure the nurses I was safe with them.
2008: I started out the year with a setback: I was given a seclusion plan, which meant I could be secluded if I was a burden to other patients or staff. By early February, however, my privileges were finally extended so that I could go off the ward unaccompanied for fifteen minutes. By early March, my privileges were quite suddenly extended to four hours of unaccompanied time off the ward, which is the maximum you could get at that unit. If you had this privilege, you could ask for extended leave if you had a reason for it. My seclusion plan was also lifted, only to be reintroduced again by June. Fortunately, I never had to actually be secluded, but the nurses frequently used it as a threat. The plan was lifted again in September, but only so that I could be moved to the resocialization unit.
2009: I transferred to the resocialization unit in March of 2009. I did mostly okay until September, when I had a major meltdown which elicited another patient’s aggression. The possibility of moving me to the locked ward for a few hours if I acted out was introduced into my treatment plan.
2010: I was sent to the locked unit for the first time. This did lead the staff to consider medication, and I agreed. I started on a low dose of Abilify, an antipsychotic, in late February. It had to be increased to a moderate dose by the summer and by September, Celexa, an antidepressant, was added. Both helped calm my anxiety and irritability. In November of this year, I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder and PTSD.
2011: I was on the waiting list for an autism-specialized group home and went there to stay over for a week-end in October of 2011. Unfortunately, the group home had changed its target population and there was too little support by the time I stayed over there. I didn’t end up going.
2012: I started planning to live with my husband by this time, originally pretty much solely because I didn’t have any suitable alterantive. I don’t mean this to insult my husband, but I didn’t feel I should be burdening him with care duties if at all possible. We moved into our aparetmetn by December. Meanwhile, I was trying to get treatment for my DID/PTSD.
2013: I had an intake interview with a psychiatrist who thought she could treat my DID/PTSD. She ultimately ended up turning me down. It had nothing to do with me, but she was too busy with her physician duties. I moved to my current institution, where i was soon diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I started schema-focused therapy, but this had little effect. My Abilify also got increased some more.
2014: I continued to struggle, but for the most part was quite stable. My Abilify had to be increased one last time in late 2014 (I am now at the highest dose). I did improve in my behavior and got a more cooperative relationship with my staff. I spent a few times in seclusion, but always voluntarily.
2015: I decided I wanted to live with my husband for real this time. We have been making arrangements, though it’s been slow-going. We will be moving to the tiny village sometime in December, so concrete arrangements cannot be made till then. I have been trying to get a med review for a few months now. Though my mind is still very unquiet, particulalry as my discharge out of the institution draws closer, I don’t tend to act out as much as I used to. I was in seclusion for a while last Monday, but before then it’d been over six months.
As I look back, I see that sometimes I take steps back and sometimes I take leaps forward, but in general, I’m moving up. I’ve never had to be moved back to a more restrictive unit, though I’ve sometimes wanted it. My medication did have to be increased a lot, but I don’t see that as entirely negative.