Welcome to day 25 in the A to Z Challenge on autism. Wow, we’re almost done! Today, I discuss a statement often made by parents of “low-functioning” autistic children towards adults with autism: “You are not like my child.”
This statement is often used to discredit adults with autism who want to advocate against a cure or who want to advise parents against certain treatmets for autism. In a way, oof course, the parents are right, in that no-one is exactly like their child (not even that child’s hypotehtical identical twin).. Of course, parents have the right to make decisions about their child’s health, so it isn’t like an adult with autism has the right to make that decision (unless the adult happens to be the parent of an autistic child too).
However, this usually isn’t about adults trying to make decisions for other people’s autistic children. I for one recognize parents’ decision-making rights and I have never directly intervened in a parent’s decisions that I did not agree with. However, the parents in this situation often use these words to discredit autistic adults trying to advocate for themselves and their right to remain the best autistic people they can be.
I, in fact, have had people tell me that, unless I agreed that I was nothing like their autistic child, I should get a fad treatment to get cured of my autism. This disrespects adults’ rights to make medical decisions for themselves.
Another aspect in which parents and adults with autism have opposite interests, and in which this statement is often used, is representation of autistic adults in organizations like Autism Speaks and the Autim Society of America. It is a fact that thse and other such organizations have few or no autistic adults on the board of directors. Autism Speaks used to have John Elder Robison as a poster puppet, but that’s about it. In few other disability communities do parents say that adults with said disability cannot represent themselves, but in the autism community, it is a common idea. When Ari Ne’eman was eelect into the National Organization on Disability, parents everywhere protested. Now I for one do not agree with everything Ne’eman says and I do feel he’s a bit too inexperienced to serve on a government advisory board. However, I do not see why, just because he isn’t a parent, he can’t be on the board.
Let’s face it: we are not like your child. We are adults. However, autistic adults at one point were autistic children, and many had the same problems today’s autistic children are facing. Parents could learn from how we coped.
I do not say that there are no autistic children with an intellectual disability or who are non-verbal, but there are autistic adults with these challenges too. Also, if an autistic adult appears to function well now, it doesn’t mean they functioned as well as a child – or even that they function as well in real life now.
I consider myself a moderate mama on many debatable autism issues, but one thing I can’t stand is being silenced for being disabled. This is exactly what the “You are not like my child” crowd do.