Asking for Help

Asking for help. It’s one of those things many people have difficulty with. I am no exception. There are many reasons for this. Like, I’m somewhat anxious in social situations. In fact, on an online but seemingly pretty formal questionnaire (the Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale), I score as having very severe social anxiety. It surprised me a little, given that I have only mild difficulty stirring up a conversation with basically anyone. Then again, most of the situations asked about were situations in which you had to do more than stir up smalltalk, such as asking for help.

I have always had trouble asking for help. Unfortunately, due to my disabilities, I often need help and I can’t avoid communicating somehow that I need it in the end. Ironicaly, this often led to me coming across as very demanding, because I would eventually get frustrated trying to do things on my own and “ask” for help in an aggressive way.

I am somewhat better now at asking for help before the situation escalates, but this is also because I have some momnets when I can ask for staff help in my daily routine. I don’t mean that I can’t ask for help at other moments, but it’s harder to do in unexpected situations.

Anxiety is one factor in preventing me from asking for help. I fear I’ll be a burden, but end up being a burden in the end because I can’t handle many situations on my own.

Another factor, however, is that I often get so overwhelmed with situations that I can’t pin down what I need help with. For example, when I have a computer problem, I often feel like the whole stupid device is crashing when in fact it might just be a particular eBook won’t load (this was a recent actual situation). In this situation, I ended up melting down because I thought my computer was crashing and I didn’t know what else to do than work on the computer and well now I probably needed to buy a new computer anyway, and… you get the idea. The question about what you’d do if your computer crashed, is the only one I end up answering “incorrectly” (ie. like a neurotypical) on the NT screening test on Autistics.org. Then again, I doubt having a massive meltdown is particularly characteristic of neurotypicality. I answer that I ask a family member, but usually, I don’t.

The worst about asking for help is that you have to be really clear about what you need help with and how the other person can help you. This is hard enough when I’m mentally well, but when I am in a bad mental state, this is not possible for me. Fortunately, some good mental health professionals recognize this. When I am in a psychiatric crisis, I usually can’t say what I need, because I have no clue. In this situation, even though I ultimately have the right to refuse intervention because I’m an informal patient, I need peoople to propose what might be best for me. Unfortunately, some people just look at my diagnosis, borderline personality disorder (and forget the autism), and say I am an adult so need to take responsibility for my own life (even though adults with other diagnoses get much more directive care). I may not like being told what is best for me, but sometimes, making this choice is exactly what I need help with.

Mama’s Losin’ It

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