It’s been a week full of appointments. I saw my psychologist on Wednesday. She is leaving in a month, so she introduced me to my new psychologist, whom I’d already met informally a few times. I also saw the pastor on Friday. We had a good talk.
I also saw the dietician on Friday, which inspires me to choose a word of the week: food. The week has been rather difficult with regards to my eating habits. While I had only one or two real binges, I did overeat a lot. As I said, I saw the dietician on Friday and discovered that I’d gained over 1 1/2 kg in six weeks. I’m now at my heaviest weight that I’ve ever been at.
I spoke to the dietician about my eating habits, and we mutually concluded that I may not be truly motivated for change. I do talk recovery a lot here on the blog, but at the same time, I still overeat and continue gaining weight. We decided that if I’ve gained more weight by the next time I see the dietician in three wjeeks, we will call it quits because seeing her is a waste of both our time.
I was determined not to buy candy and to eat healthfully from then on, but when my husband called to ask if I wanted to go eat out with his parents, I couldn’t say “No” either. All of us except for my mother-in-law ended up ordering a three-course meal. I didn’t really feel hungry after the main course, but couldn’t resist the urge to order a dessert anyway.
Today was an okay day in the eating department. I did eat a rather large brunch at around 11:30, but other than that only ate a microwaved meal in the evening and a few slices of raisin bread. I just checked the calories, and this is at the low end of what I need on a daily basis, and I’m not hungry now. Then again, overeating isn’t about hunger. I’m really hoping I can continue enjoying food without bingeing on it or overeating in general. Enjoying food and overeating are really contradictory, but I have a hard time realizing this.