Day three of the recovery challenge is a hard one, because it is about listing three things you like about yourself. I can think of things I maybe, in a way, sort of, kind of like about myself, but most come with a huge “but”. Then again, this post is good for examining why I can’t really like positive characteristics of mine.
I had to do this once before during counseling at blindness rheab, and I also had to ask my parents and sister to name three qualities about me. They didn’t need to be positive per se, but it would be nice if they were. The first thing my father came up with was my intelligence, and I bet my mother had a hard time thinking of something other than that to come up with first. I realize I am intelligent, and in a way, I like it. I used to like being seen as a “walking encyclopedia”. At family get-togethers, I was usually popular for my calendar calculation abilities and knowledge of politics. For clarity’s sake: I actually know the mechanism behind calendar calculation and don’t have the huge memory that savants do have, so I’m generally a lot slower than savant people. Now, I still feel good when I debate a topic I know a lot about and I can show my knowledge.
The reason intelligence has a bad connotation to me is because of the expectations that go with it. Because I am intelligent, I am supposed to function well in a lot of other areas. This is not true – conditions like autism, which I have, have little to do with intelligence and can affect intelligent people significantly. But this myth has still been perpetuated throughout my life.
Another quality I mentioned to the blindness rehabilitation psychologist is my strong-willedness. If I want something, I’m determined to get my way. This may be annoying to others, but most people appreciate it in me. I also don’t usually truly give up easily. I may say that I will give up, but in the edn, I persevere.
Then there is the one quality I truly like about myself: my creativity. I don’t necessarily mean that I make good crafts, although I’m quite happy with many recent projects. I also mean my writing skill and my generally open-minded thinking style. “Openness” is the one thing on the five-factor personality test that I score high on (except for “neuroticism”, but I mean the positive qualities), although I must say I am pretty conscientious too.
To end this post, I’m stealing an idea from Confessions of a Single Parent Pessimist and listing three things I did well this week:
- Have not binged during the week and have not self-harmed in seven weeks.
- Kept my temper in check.
- Wrote a lot of blog posts that I like.