First Step in Healing the Inner Baby

When I still had the diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder, my inner children came out relatively often to people I know. This is not common with DID I’m told, and was probably one reason for people not to believe me. I now have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and, while the inner children are still there, I keep them in hiding. I tend to believe that only the adult me is allowed to be out in the body.

This belief, however, is counterproductive to healing. When we want to heal, we need to acknowledge all parts of ourselves. We also need to validate our experiences. I strongly disagree with the idea, which is how my therapist used to word her inner child theory, that only the abandoned inner child should be allowed to come out because the rest are there to mask her. I consider my angry innenr child as important, and I for one don’t have a critical parent insider – all insiders are part of me.

Trust is the first step in healing your inner child(ren). They need to know that you will be there for them. In this step, I achieved something important in art therapy last Thursday. One of my inner children is the “mini baby”, a preemie in an incubator. She isn’t really active in the outside world, but I sense her. For clarity’s sake, while some people with DID have baby alters who hold traumatic memories, I don’t believe the mini baby is like this; she seems to be more a symbol for my early experiences.

Anyway, in art therapy, I created a baby out of clay and made a crib for her out of a cardboard box with fabric and fake fur bedding. Like I said, the inner baby isn’t a typical alter, so the symbolism was enough. It was more of a gesture to myself and my actual inner child alters to let them know I can be trusted and they will be cared for.

The second step is validation. I’m not sure I really need to validate the inner baby, since like I said she’s not a real alter. I mean, some people with DID give their inner babies pacifiers. I won’t do this. What I do feel that I need to acknowledge, is the fact that I was wounded from the beginning on. I don’t mean this to pass judgment on my family or the hospital staff. I was probably well cared for and had more interaction with my parents than many preemies from earlier generations or whose parents lived farther from the hospital. What I want to say is that, as much as families and hospitals try to prevent this, a NICU stay can entail a form of attachment loss and can, depending on the baby’s temperament, be traumatic. For now, the symbolism of the ceramic baby in the crib helped all of me.


2 thoughts on “First Step in Healing the Inner Baby

  1. My inner kids come out very often to my partner and our therapist. We treat them as “real” people, as kids, and make sure they get some playtime and cuddles when needed. They have toys and stuffies and occasionally my partner takes them out for a day trip. For us it is extremely healing, though I believe everyone will find different ways that work for them 🙂


  2. Astrid ik zou het een hele eer vinden als ik jou site mag koppelen aan de site van Mensen spreken altijd maar over DIS als het meest complexe
    toch onderzoeks resultaten wijzen uit dat een secundairy structural dissociation de meest zware en levensbelastende vorm van een complexe Trauma gerelateerd structurele dissociatie is. En ik vind het zo knap dat jij niet verbergd een diagnose BPS te dragen. Super !

    Ik zou het dus een eer vinden als ik je verhaal mag delen in de google community zodat mensen ook eens het verhaal mogen lezen van iemand die een dubbel probleem draagt
    BPS en een Complex PTSS – een Secundaire Structurele Dissociatie

    we dragen beiden een hoofd probleem, maar zijn daarnaast ook getraumatiseerd.

    Overigens een hele mooie blog heb je !!


    autisme + Complex PTSS (dus ook een dubbele diagnose)


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