Over at Bipolar Mom Life, there’s a great post for Valentine’s day on love surviving mental illness. This is a very powerful story. Unlike in my case, the author had not become mentally ill yet when she got married. Then again, with mental illness being unpredictable, it isn’t like my husband knew what to exppect when we started dating or even when we got married in 2011. IN fact, I didn’t know what to expect. Until roughly a year ago, we were expecting to go live together within the foreseeable future. We still hope to one day live together, of course.
Love does not always survive mental illness. In fact, love does not always survive the test of time, with around 40 percent of marriages failing in general. Then again, according to an article in BP magazine, 90 percent of marriages in which one partner has bipolar disorder, end in divorce. I bet that with borderline personality disorder, this percentage is at least as high.
There are several obstacles to a successful marriage for someone with BPD. There are of course those characteristics that are inherent in the disorder – higher risk of infidelity, aggression, idealizing and devaluing, etc. There are also problems that are not necessarily inherent in the condition, but which are more likely to occur due to the dynamics of partners not only being partners, but also having the patient or carer role. I cannot go into detail about this, but I want to warn mentally ill people who are in a relationship that their partner is their partner first, may be their carer second, and is not their therapist.