Learning to Become Less Co-Dependent

There’s an interesiting post up on the World of Psychology blog about ways to become more independent and less co-dependent. According to Isha Judd, author of Love Has Wings and Why Walk When You Can Fly, most people are somewhat co-dependent, be it on our partners, friends or social groups. Indeed, most people have some maladaptive beliefs about ourselves and others. This is in line with my husband’s observations when paging through Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young, when he said not only borderline personality sufferers but most people could benefit from this book.

In the above blog post, Margarita Tartakovsky first defines autonomy as being the author of your own life. It means owning your own reality, with your perceptions, thoughts, feelings, etc.

Autonomy derives from self-love. And let’s be truly honest: it is terribly hard to love yourself (without appearing like a narcissist). Fortunately, you can learn to lovve yourself. Healthy self-love means realizing you’re just as important as anyone else, and that your feelings and thoughts are valid. If you love yourself, you put as much effort into caring for yourself as you would for others, consider your needs, and accept yourself for who you are. Meeting your needs, making your own decisions and being assertive are also three of the ways suggested by Tartakovsky to enhance your autonomy.

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16 thoughts on “Learning to Become Less Co-Dependent

  1. interesting observations. Yes, self love (and self care) is really tough, especially when you are stretched to the limit caring for others – but is SO important. Am trying to look after myself better in 2014 ๐Ÿ™‚ Baby steps.

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  2. I wanted to stop by your blog since you were so kind to stop by mine. Self-love is one of the hardest obstacles for me and something I struggle with everyday, but it’s so important to living a whole-hearted life. Great post! You have a powerful story. Keep sharing your heart!

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    1. I didn’t say you can’t use support from others. Co-dependency is really about letting others make important decisions for you, letting them define who you are, etc. I need a lot of practical support for example due to my disabilities, but I try to take responsibility for my life in the emotional sense. I don’t think having young kids has to be a hindrance here.

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  3. An excellent post. I am much too dependant on my husband to look after me and make sure I take care of myself. I meet my new cpn on Friday and they are going to help me become more assertive and self reliant like I used to be x

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  4. Really interesting, confidence is really helpful to becoming more assertive and I do believe it’s something anyone can work on themselves – those 6 points make for an interesting read – as does this x

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  5. I imagine everyone has times when they look around and feel that they aren’t as good as someone else, certainly it’s something I feel regularly! It’s always good to remind oneself that everyone is important and as important as the next person. Thank you for the post!

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  6. I really think that people often complain about their lives when in reality they’re doing nothing to change things for themselves. I’m a firm believer in that the only person you can change is yourself, and if you want something different, you have to make it happen.

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