Two weeks after I was hospitalized, my parents cameto the psychiatric hospital to speak to my doctor. They said that I wanted to be different in all sorts of ways, and one of hteir reasons of thinkign so wast hat I used to identify as lesbian. I wasn’t sure at the time whaht sexual orientation I identified with, and still am not, but it’s a fact that I’m now married in a heterosexual relationship.
Can sexual orientation and gender identity be fluid? I think so. That is not to say that it isn’t static for some, or that it can or should be changed from the outside, but like in my own case. I was in love – or what I thought of as being in love – with some girls first in the eighth or ninth grade, then in eleventh grade fell in love )or again, what I thought to be falling in love) with a boy, now am married to a man. Does this mean I was never a lesbian? Does it mean I am bisexual, bicurious, pansexual, or heterosexual posing as queer for the sake of beign different? Does it really mater? I’m happily married, so isn’t that the thing that counts?
In a society that fully accepts variations of gender identity and sexual orientation, we would be allowed to shift along the spectrum. We wouldn’t even need labels for our identities except in the sense that we needed to identify who we’re attracted to on dating sites. I guess we’ll not get to this point anytime soon, but I don’t think queer people are to blame for apparntly alienating themselves. HOneslty, I feel that if society isn’t fully accepting of the whole spectrum of experience, it’s not all that strange that queer people feel different, because, after all, they are.