Can Gender Identity and Sexuality Be Fluid?

Two weeks after I was hospitalized, my parents cameto the psychiatric hospital to speak to my doctor. They said that I wanted to be different in all sorts of ways, and one of hteir reasons of thinkign so wast hat I used to identify as lesbian. I wasn’t sure at the time whaht sexual orientation I identified with, and still am not, but it’s a fact that I’m now married in a heterosexual relationship.

Can sexual orientation and gender identity be fluid? I think so. That is not to say that it isn’t static for some, or that it can or should be changed from the outside, but like in my own case. I was in love – or what I thought of as being in love – with some girls first in the eighth or ninth grade, then in eleventh grade fell in love )or again, what I thought to be falling in love) with a boy, now am married to a man. Does this mean I was never a lesbian? Does it mean I am bisexual, bicurious, pansexual, or heterosexual posing as queer for the sake of beign different? Does it really mater? I’m happily married, so isn’t that the thing that counts?

In a society that fully accepts variations of gender identity and sexual orientation, we would be allowed to shift along the spectrum. We wouldn’t even need labels for our identities except in the sense that we needed to identify who we’re attracted to on dating sites. I guess we’ll not get to this point anytime soon, but I don’t think queer people are to blame for apparntly alienating themselves. HOneslty, I feel that if society isn’t fully accepting of the whole spectrum of experience, it’s not all that strange that queer people feel different, because, after all, they are.

3 thoughts on “Can Gender Identity and Sexuality Be Fluid?

  1. Astrid,

    I agree that it shouldn’t matter what your sexual orientation is. It seems to me small minded for people to think that we are all to be put in a category that we all aren’t different and love and desire differently. Each person is different so why wouldn’t we identify ourselves in a different ways. I found your post very interesting and though provoking.


  2. I think we all have different paths to what makes us happy and I just don’t see where that’s anyone else’s business. As long as we’re not hurting anyone else (and I don’t mean in terms of beliefs and prejudices, I mean really hurting) then we should all get to where we’re going in the way that works best for us. With some it’s a more fluid path and for others it’s a paved road.

    Differences are what makes life interesting.


  3. There are certainly people whose gender identity and sexual orientation are fluid. The latter is relatively common, I think, especially with people who are bisexual and their preference for one or other varies over time. But I have heard some heart-breaking tales of people whose orientation changed after several years of being happily married. Fluid gender identity I haven’t heard about much, but I know one person who sometimes identifies as gendered and sometimes doesn’t.


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