Tonight, I was talking on the phone to the organizer of the DID support group I was a member of for two years until I got kicked out for presumably not having DID last May. She guessed my diagnosis correctly, but went on to assume I’d imagined my DID. Well, I’m going to be completely honest here: I have indeed internalized some symptoms that I didn’t have before my diagnosis, like the amnesia, but I had known for almost ten years that I had parts when I was diagnosed. Did I imagine the splits when I was fifteen-years-old because I wanted to be crazy, while I’d never heard of DID back then? Well, I don’t think so. Of course, whether these emotional states are truly dissociative or not, depends on your perspective. The organizer got to saying incorrectly that BPD and DID have nothing in common. In reality, many people believe DID is BPD with more flair.
The organizer got talking of me quoting books on the furums. Well, that doesn’t say anything, does it? Just because I listed the criteria of BPD yesterday, doesn’t mean I don’t have BPD, right? Apparently, if you want to be authetnic, you’re going to have to have made up your own symptom list without any influence from literature. I wonder how this person, who studied psychology at university, did this. Apparently, people who’ve studied mental disorders in college cannot be diagnosed with a mental disorder themselves.
To air off a bit of steam in a healthy way, I’m going to repost and expand on the list of requirements for the proper DID’er that I compiled after being kicked out of the support group.
- You can’t use jargon like “co-conscious”, “inner self helper”, etc. if you’ve not had your diagnoisis forever. This is not supposed to be familiar language to a person just diagnosed.
- Even if you know you’ve got parts because you’ve established a fair amount of communication, you can’t walk into your therapist’s office saying you experience parts in yourself. In fact, you cannot have obvious dissociative symptoms. According to what I’ve been told, saying things happen to you but not quite to you, is not appropriate either (which is what I really came into therapy with).
- You must’ve gotten into therapy with seemingly irrelevant symptoms like depression, self-harm, etc. Then it’s the therapist’s duty to figure out you’re multiple, but they can’t just straight out ask if you experience parts in yourself. On occasion, they can, but you must be completely clueless to the fact that it’s not normal.
- You must have some doubts about your diagnosis, and you must fear that it’s all real. If you fear you’re fake, you’re obviously already a faker.
- You must not switch too openly or demand switches be acknowledged, cause DID is something that’s supposed to be hidden. Keeping the dissociation hidden must be an end in itself. Note that you won’t get a diagnosis of DID if the diagnostician hasn’t seen you switch.
- You must want to integrate.
- You cannot have littles who write properly. You also cannot have littles who write improperly but on the right subforum, cause how are they supposed to know where to write? However, you can’t have alterrs write on the main forum either. Why else would there be specific forums for alters?
- You must recognize just enough of what other DID’ers, who obviously all are not fake, say they experience, but not too much. You must be able to articulate your experiences in your own words, and others determine whether you use your own words.
- You must have time loss, but how you’re supposed to know you have time loss, is unclear. You can’t just say you lose time when others come out, cause how do you know? You cannot say you don’t remember something when asked, because then obviously you could pretend you forgot. I don’t know how a therapist is supposed to realize you lose time if they cannot ask, especially given that implicit memory is often intact in DID, so DID’ers act like they do remember what other identities did.
- In meetings, you must present as the host (with the birth name) at all times. You must be oriented to the present if you want to participate in meetings. On the other hand, you cannot actually be the person with the birth name, cause that person must’ve gone to sleep, been gone at an early age or be totally unaware of any others. How are you supposed to come to a DID meeting if you are clueless about other personalities?
- You must have survived horrific abuse, but in this partiuclar group, you cannot talk about it in meetings. You need to drop the occasional SRA reference to make clear that you are an authetnic survivor.
- You must validate others’ every experience, but you cannot say you can relate.